Last quarter of 2011

I just can't seem to keep up with my own life. The last couple of months have brought lots of changes to our family and I'm still trying to come to terms with it all. Just a quick recap. I'm hoping to write individual posts about these things, but if I don't at least I've documented it here. Nov.-Elder Welch #2 (Montana) heads off for the MTC and then to Toronto Canada where he will serve for the next 2 years. He is in an English speaking mission, so only spent 3 weeks at the MTC. Had a wonderful experience going to the temple for his first time. Then he and I and James went with Grandma and Grandpa to Provo to drop him off. Jordan was able to come down to Provo to see him before he entered the MTC. It was a nice time. Had a lovely Thanksgiving at our house with Grandma and Grandpa and Karla's family. Wendy's family had to go north to support their Crane family during a very difficult time. Curtis's grandmother passed away on Nov. 29 at the age of 101 11/12. Missed her 102 birthday by 21 days. She was such an amazing person and we were all so happy for her to be released from this mortal experience. We went to Provo area for her funeral on Sat 12/3. Sunday morning 12/4 as we were getting in the car to head to church we got a phone call from my mother telling me that my dad had passed away that morning. It was a phone call I was totally unprepared for and not expecting. We hurriedly threw our things in the car and headed home to be with Mom. We spent the next few days preparing for a funeral. I was so amazed at the love and support shown to our family at this time. This town and county we live in is amazing that way. So many people came to pay their respects for and share their memories of my dad. It's been 3 1/2 weeks and I miss him so much. I keep thinking he'll show up on my doorstep, knocking instead of walking in. He always did that even though we're living in his house. At certain times of day I seem to think of him the most. When it's quiet and I'm getting ready for the day or for bed. Often seeing something or hearing something will trigger it all again. I am so sad that my littlest kids won't remember or know him well. I'm sad that I can't see him or talk to him. But, I'm SO THANKFUL to know that this is not the end. He lives on and if I choose to live worthily, I WILL see him again. That truly brings me so much peace. I am also thankful that his aching joints are not troubling him anymore. They were really getting to be painful for him. In fact, I believe that it was a blood clot from the knee surgery he had on Monday prior to his death that caused his death. We are thankful it was quick and hopefully relatively painless. We had a nice Christmas and are staring the New Year in the eye. I'm hoping that we don't have another year like this one has been. Hoping for continued good health for my mom with no more cancer. Hoping for a good experience for both of the boys who have left our home. Hoping for peace and joy here at home with the time and ability to do some of the things that we feel are important. But if not......with the help of the Lord we can do all things. I have faith in his ability to see us through all things.

Modesty

This post has been in the back of my mind for over a year. You'd think I'd have found time to write about it before now, but better late than never I guess. I'll go back to the beginning of the thoughts I've had on this subject.

My daughter was given a CD of music for LDS Young Women in 2010. The music was written by Jenny Phillips. I found that I loved the music almost more than my girls. (I'm not a poet and don't love poetry, but I do love poetry set to music. It truly speaks to my soul.) I found myself listening to this CD often as I worked around the house or drove in my car.

One song really stood out to me and I just love the beautiful message it shares. Here are the lyrics.

Virtue
Because I love the Father
I want the minds of men to be lifted when
They look at me.
Because I am His daughter
I want my devotion to Him
To be what they see
I don't need the attention of immodesty
I am confident in my divinity.

Chorus: I didn't come to earth to compromise
I came here to hold up my light
No matter what the world may do
I'm a daughter of God, and
I'm holding on to virtue

I want to lead a life that
Is full of so much good
It attracts the light to me
So I'm trusting in my Father
To magnify the beauty
he has placed in me
I am confident in my divinity.

I live in a place with lots of beautiful, amazing women who are wonderful people but I wonder sometimes if they realize how they've been misled by the society we live in.There is so much emphasis placed on the beauty of the physical body and showing it off. I have never lived in a place with so many people who run. I have also never lived in a place with so many 'moms' who are considered 'hot' by the high school boys in town. What message is being sent to the youth and everyone else? That you can be a wife and mother and still have the body of a 20 year old? That you should have lipo and implants to get that 'hot' body? That it's okay to wear skin tight clothing to show off that body and draw attention to your hard 'work'?
I believe that it encourages our young people to focus on things that are of little worth eternally and is damaging to all, women, men and youth. I imagine that the young girls are envious of them and threatened by them at the same time. They want to look like them because they see the attention it garners. But are they also seeing them as 'competition' for the boys' attention? And it's just not right to flaunt it in front of young (or old)men who have a hard enough time controlling their thoughts.

I think our Stake Presidency(LDS Church leadership in a geographical area) and the Stake Relief Society(LDS womens' organization) Presidency must have had some similar thoughts and misgivings about what is going on. They held a special meeting for all RS sisters in our stake and essentially gave us a 'Standards Night', focusing on the topic of modesty. I was thrilled to see the topic addressed but disheartened at the turnout. It was basically preaching to the choir, those who needed to hear it weren't there. Regardless of that fact I was so thankful for a reminder that we as adults are just as accountable as our youth for upholding the standards the Lord has set forth.

I hope as I continue to raise my sons and daughters that I will be able to teach them to be modest and to not seek for attention with their bodies. Instead, to be a light of Christ to those around them and draw attention to themselves in a Christlike way.

I didn't come here to compromise but to hold up my light. I'm learning to be confident in my divinity and I'm thankful for reminders in music and word that this is something to strive for.

*disclaimer-I am not saying it's wrong to run or exercise or try to dress beautifully. Exercise is important for physical health. Dressing nicely is important as well, but it can be done modestly.

DYT update

So the promised pictures will have to wait. I can't seem to find my camera which has my memory card full of pictures in it. I really wish I could find it, or at least my mind. Maybe then I could remember where I'd put the blasted thing. LOL

It has been a crazy summer. I was really hoping to go to SLC to attend an intro night or a club night at the DYT center, but that never happened.

I was able to go up in August and had every intention in the world of stopping by the center in Draper to look at jewelry and accessories. But again, it didn't happen. It was too hot, the vehicle I was driving had no a/c and I had the baby with me, so I decided it was not the right time for me to shop. On that trip I did make it to a DI and can I just tell you what a different experience it was for me? I took my style guide with me and I first pulled things off the rack if they were the right color. Then I looked at the fabrication and design lines and if they were Type 2 AND close to my size then I put them in my cart to try on. I went to the dressing room with probably 30 items in my cart. That has never happened before. EVER! I ended up with about 5 shirts and a pair of jeans for $29. Then I found a cute gray T with soft, vintage embellishments in pinks and purples at Sams Club for another $7. I was so happy to have some new items to wear. Still wishing for a scarf or two or some jewelry. One of these days.

I think that day will be here soon. Someone kind ;) (you know who you are) used my DYT link and purchased a book and online course, and I received a commission for that. I'm so excited to have some store credit to use. I'm sure that true to my type, I'll debate and debate about how to spend it, but I am looking forward to putting some of those wonderful items in my virtual shopping cart and then getting a fun package in the mail.

I have not made as much progress with my hair redo as I would have liked. I had my hair-wiz sister cut it quite short in May because I was having the post-partum hair loss. I think though that that has mostly ended, so I'm in the growing it out a bit mode and it's in the icky in-between stage. You know the one. The one where you can't do a thing with it and just want it to grow fast or get it all chopped short again. I do need to visit my sis again and have her try to get my hair back to its natural ash blonde and maybe put some lighter ash highlights in it. Can't believe I'm saying that. For so many years I've tried desperately to add some brightness to my hair with golden and reddish tones. Typical Type 2 trying to be Type 1 thing to do. Haha.

I will take some new pictures and try to get them posted sooner rather than later. I'm anxious to share my very gradual transformation.

Dressing Your Truth

I have been in a fashion funk for a long time. Lot of things contributed to that. Too much weight from lots of babies, very little disposable income (gotta feed all those kids), and just not knowing what looked good on me or how to put things together. Last fall I was introduced (through the internet) to a program called Dressing Your Truth. I was intrigued and asked my family to give me the book about it for Christmas. I read it and thought I knew what my type was but wasn't sure. I watched some of the videos that are available to watch online and still wasn't sure. Then I listened to a conference call and true to my type was too reserved to ask any questions, although I had them. So I read the book again, with the things in mind from the call as I read, and things started jumping out at me. Why I do things the way I do them. I was able to pin down my type. FINALLY!! I saved up the funds to purchase the online course for my type and I've been attempting to 'live my truth' since then. Of course I can't do a complete overhaul in a month. I just don't have the funds, but I have been able to purchase a couple of things and it's so nice now to know what colors, lines and types of clothing to look for. I don't feel lost in the store anymore! And for me that's huge! I have always hated to shop cause there are too many choices. Now I can really zero in on what will look best on me. HOORAY!!!! I will make some changes to my hair and clothing. This is so EXCITING!! This experience it has been very liberating in many ways beyond the clothing/beauty part. 

Curve balls

Ever had a curve ball thrown at you? You're standing there in the batter's box, all settled into your stance and ready for that pitch. Then it's on its way and it looks like hundreds of pitches you've swung at before and you think,"Oh, easy hit." You begin to take a mighty swing and then you realize that it's moving away from your hit zone and you're not going to hit it. In fact, you're getting nothing but air with your swing, and starting to feel pretty foolish for swinging at all. Then it's past you and you're standing there looking for the ball you thought was a sure hit.



I'm not sure I've ever had a literal curve ball thrown at me, although I did play some softball in jr. high. I do feel like life has been sending a few figurative ones my way lately though.



Like the one last summer.



Just finished nursing child #8, really excited to be able to do more intense exercise and I was attempting to eat much differently than I had been doing. I was researching and reading about whole foods and really trying to eat natural, non-processed foods. I was even contemplating getting a goat for the raw milk. Then came the blahs. The upset tummy. The unending tiredness. I blamed it all on eating different foods. That must be it, right? Well, it took me almost a month to connect the dots and realize that perhaps it was more than the food I was eating. Enter a pregnancy test. With a big, fat, positive result.



Out the window went the exercise and good eating. In the window came naps and eating whatever tasted good and didn't give me heartburn.



Seems like every time I try to improve my health something comes along to stop me. Often it's been this particular curve ball. And it's not that I mind the result. I really love my kids. But I would also love some time to give some attention to my aging body and help it become healthier as I slide into middle age.



My latest curve ball has really thrown me for a loop. No way did I see it coming.



After 8 kids I figured I knew all there was to know about baking, birthing and feeding babies. I've nursed for well over 7 years of my life. No brainer. This baby #9 would be nursed, just like all the previous babies.



And he was nursed exclusively for 3 weeks. And he didn't gain any weight. He was just barely maintaining his weight. And he was starting to look bony and was very lethargic. But surely he was okay. He had wet and poopy diapers and he latched on fine.



The problem? He was not actively nursing or swallowing. Ever. He had been starving himself for 3 weeks and I didn't know it. What to do ? I borrowed a pump to see what was available for him and was shocked to see how diminished my supply was due to him not stimulating
production with his nursing. Enter formula and pumping. Maybe if he got stronger he would then nurse properly and I could stop pumping and supplementing.



Nope. He is the laziest eater I have ever had. Now at 8 wks since his birth, I have stopped pumping because the supply has run out. After 18 years of nursing I am now back to formula feeding my infant. I have gone through all the emotions, the guilt, the grief, the acceptance and excitement.


I so wanted to nurse him. I love nursing. I love being able to have that one-on-one time with my babies. I like an excuse to sit or lie down and read and have it be okay. I miss it very much.



However, I am thrilled that there are other options and I now have a 10 lb baby with chubby legs and double chin. I love that my other children get a chance to hold and feed him, bonding with their baby bro. I love that I have a bit more freedom, allowing me to keep up with the 2 year old and the 22 year old. I am excited to be able to get back to my exercising and eating better that was sidetracked a year ago.



Maybe this curve ball is to make up for the one thrown at me last year!

wait over!

Welch baby #9 finally made his appearance on Feb 28, 2011 at 6:44 a.m. He weighed in at 7 lb 4 oz., 20 inches.

Like all our multiple of 3 children, ie. #3 & #6, he has sparse hair on top and the rest of it is quite blond.

He is my smallest baby and I jokingly asked Curtis if he thought we were running out of baby making materials. It is interesting to hold him. He feels a little fragile to me and I keep him well wrapped up so that I feel like I am actually holding onto something. He also cannot keep his clothes on. Everything falls off his little shoulders.

Regardless, we are thrilled that he is finally here and that he is healthy. His jaundice is going away and we have a beautiful little pink baby boy to love on.

*pictures to come, if I can get my regular computer up and going.

Waiting Game

Wish I had some exciting news to share here, but we are playing the waiting game....

waiting for this new little boy to join our family.

waiting to see how my mom's chemo treatments are going. Is that *&^*&(^ tumor gone yet?

waiting for warm sunshine and blue skies.

While I've been waiting I've been a bit busy. I made a sidecar for my bed from a crib. I have a smaller bed now than I've had for 16 years and there was no way that 3 of us were going to sleep comfortably in that bed. Did some looking around on the internet and found out how to make an attached sleeping place for a baby. Thanks to a nice neighbor it cost me nothing.

I also took an adorable baby blanket someone had made me and added some more flannel to it to make it a bit bigger and it is now my new car-seat tent. Love that it is tied to the handle of my car seat making the handle useable.

Made myself a new nursing cover. I've never had one before, just used whatever old blanket I could find that wouldn't suffocate the baby. I actually made one out of a cute print with boning to make a place for me to see him and for him to breathe.

Also finished up the little boys curtains today. Just need to wash, iron and hang them.

Think I'm nesting yet?????

November?

Can it really be November already? Fall just flew by and winter has made her grand appearance.

We had an absolutely gorgeous fall here. I remember when I was growing up here thinking that it was just so ugly here and wished we had 'fall' like they do in New England. All those bright colors!

I still want to see 'fall' in NE but I was absolutely amazed at the range of colors we got here this year. Usually the scrub oaks just turn brown and the quakies are yellow of course and the few maples are pinky/red/orange. But this year the oaks were all shades of yellow, ochre, orange, bronze, & burgandy along with the usual yellow quakies and few red maples. I could NOT stop staring at the mountain and being amazed by what I saw. I think it must have had something to do with all the water we had in the last year and the fact that the frost was long in coming this year. It seemed to gradually get colder and leaves turned colors before we had an actual frost. We took the pictures above up at the old ski lift before all the maples had their leaves knocked off by a rain storm. Not the best pictures but at least we have a family picture with Charles in it now (although I need to photoshop Jordan in).

Football is over for the year. We made it to the semi-finals, but were beaten by Rich again. It was a tough loss, but I have to say I'm not too sad that it's over. Life just slowed down a little.

Curtis has moved on to coaching JH Girls' basketball. It's a short season and will be done before Christmas and the practices are not nearly as long as football so we see him a bit more often now.

I finally have two teenaged boys with driver's licenses in my home. It's been so long since I've had someone I could pass the errand running off to. It's nice. Now if they'll just work on upping their GPA so we can afford for them to drive that would be even nicer!

Pregnancy is progressing well. Rather uneventful actually. It's boy #6 who will join our family in March. No name has been pinned down yet, we are running out of ideas for boys, I think. I have been fighting a sinus/cold thing for just over two weeks now and it's sure messed with my energy and ability to keep up with the work around here. I'm hoping it's on it's way out now. I have lots to do to get ready for the holidays. We are really going simple around here and I'm actually trying to make most things and have lots of thinking and making to do.

Kids are doing well, no one lost their eligibility last quarter. For us that's a huge accomplishment. They are excited to be into the 'holiday' season. I call it the 'candy' season. It starts with Halloween and does not end until after Easter. We did Halloween small, in fact, Curtis and I ran to Farmington NM to hit Sam's club and my sister ended up taking my kids trick or treating for me. That was a good trick, don't you think? At least it was a TREAT for me! We will just stay home for Thanksgiving and Christmas most likely. Trying to keep our expenses down, so that we have the $ necessary for baby and car repair. Those two things always seem to be a constant at our house.

I have been working on decluttering and minimizing the house. This week I have worked on the toy closet downstairs. It's become a nightmare lately and I just haven't felt like I wanted to mess with it. But this week I just couldn't stand it anymore, so I dug in. Mostly I'm trying to change mindsets and help my kids see that the less 'stuff' we have the less 'stuff' they have to pick up all the time. I just keep talking about it and how we need to only keep what we need and pass on to others what we don't need. Just yesterday I was talking about this in regards to Soren's cars. He has so many and they are all over the house. He said he would pick out the ones he liked and we could donate the rest to the thrift store. I may just 'donate' them to the dump! But I think he is getting the message. I'm hoping that by starting this with him at such a young age, he will have fewer tendencies to be a hoarder. 

(I hate when Blogger won't let me put spaces between my paragraphs!...hence the color and size changes!)

I think fall is falling!

Noticed some red/orange leaves on the mountain this morning. So after dropping the school kids off the little boys and I drove up to the ski lift road to check out the maples. They are just starting to turn and in a week or two they are going to be gorgeous. Unless we get a storm that blows/knocks them off the trees. Which is what usually happens. I'm crossing my fingers that we can go get some fall family pictures before that happens. We are in dire need of a new family picture, but I doubt we can get Jordan down here while the leaves last so I'll settle for a pic of those kidlets who are still at home. We are finally settled into a routine of school I think. I keep longing for homeschooling, but it's just not going to be happening here for a while, if ever again. I've decided to channel that longing into doing some 'school' with Soren who is 4 1/2. I pulled out the Five in a Row manual I bought several years ago and took myself to the library today to see which titles they had. If any. I was surprised that they had a majority of the ones in the book. So I picked up a couple with some go along books and we'll start this next week. I tried to do it with him last year, but he was just too young and couldn't stay with me. Hopefully this time around will be better. This is Homecoming week. Lots of fun activities have been going on. Montana put himself in the running for the Homecoming King. He ended up being the 1st attendant. We were so excited and happy for him. I was especially excited that he kept up with the deadlines and his homework and his cross country practices. I'm seeing signs of adult behavior! Love it. There was a cross country meet here last week. Cambria got 3rd place in the Junior High girls' race. That was exciting. Her cousin also ran after not training for 2 weeks and did very well. So glad they get to share this opportunity. Montana also ran in the varsity race. Don't know what his placement was, but he bettered his time, which is really all he cares about. Our football team finally won a game. Curtis and Ford traveled with the team to Layton and had a good experience there. It was nice to finally chalk up a line in the win column. Keeps the boys excited and working hard. All the rest of our games are 1A so they should be closer, hopefully. I got really sidetracked this summer from the things I was so anxious about at the beginning. I couldn't figure out why I lost my umph. Until one day when I asked myself why I was needing to take a nap every. single. day. And why was my gut unhappy when I was really trying to eat properly. The light finally clicked on for me and yes, you guessed it, #9 is on the way to join our family. I'm happy but a bit sad as well as the things I was really excited about I can see will be put on the back burner yet again until I get past pregnancy, birth and nursing. Oh, well. Jordan is doing well. Has a good job and is enjoying his return to civilian life. It's very strange to have an adult child out on their own. I'm groping to figure out what my role is now. Trying not to intrude too much, but still worrying about him doing the right things and remembering all he learned on his mission. Such is the life of a mother, I guess. Can't ever let go of the worrying! We are so thrilled to have a full-time job for Curtis as well. It has eased so much of the pressure we were feeling. It allows him to interact with all the youth in town and be around his own children a lot. We are thankful that he was given the chance to show what a great asset he can be. I'm also glad his job is here in town and no commuting is necessary. I have been working with the Beehives for about 2 months now. I'm so excited to be back in YW. I will get to work with my own daughters and that is something I've always wanted to do. I just need to put a bit more energy into it. It's been hard that way, as I've been the sickest I've ever been and have had no energy whatsoever. Must be my age this time around! Well, that's our life at the moment.

1,2,3,Cheeeeeeese!

I've been pondering another societal norm that I've noticed in the last few years. It has to do with cameras.

What? Cameras?

Let me begin back when I was in 6th grade. A very, l-o-n-g time ago. Not mentioning any years.
We took a little field trip to a national park near our town. I was so thrilled to have a camera to take. I think it was a little 110. Can't remember for sure. I used a WHOLE roll of film! Then I had to pay to get it developed and wait for it to come back. I loved those pictures, even typing on the back of them what they were. Which was good, because years later, if I hadn't had the info on the back I would have had no idea what the picture was of. Was I in any of the pictures? Yes, one. Out of 24, probably. The rest were of the landscapes, wildlife and scenery, and a couple of my friends.

Fast forward to today in our digital imaging age. My young teenaged daughter got a camera for Christmas a couple of years ago, and I've had one for a few years. While I love the ease of picture taking and deleting the not so good images, I hate storing thousands of digital images on my computer that are never going to be printed. But that's not my issue. Here's what I've noticed that has me scratching my head. While I tend to take pictures of my kids and things we do, I've noticed that the teen and early-mid 20's crowd tend to take pictures of . . . . .themselves.

Why is that? It honestly never enters my mind to take tons of pictures of myself in various poses and various states of dress. In fact, if it ever enters my mind to take a picture of myself I quickly throw that thought out, thinking how puffy I look in pictures. But I don't think that taking pictures of myself would be something I would do even if I wasn't 'puffy', if I was not overweight and out of shape.

What drives people to photograph themselves all the time? I believe that it is a product of our 'it's all about me' society. This generation of people has been raised with the notion that they are special, wonderful, important and that it's all about them, individually. Therefore, it follows that there is nothing better to take a picture of than their wonderful self. I also believe that it's a longing to be like the 'rich, famous and beautiful' people who are paraded across the magazines and screens, telling us how we should look, what we should wear, drive, eat and spend our time doing.

Going through my daughter's pictures one day I found a ton of pictures she and her good friend had taken together before we moved. At first, I thought it was nice and that they were cute, but the more I looked at them and thought about them, the more unhappy I became. Not that there was anything risque about them. It was just the dumb poses that they struck, the stuck out lips as if they were trying to make their mouths look more 'luscious' for lack of a better term. Too much sexualization if you really looked at it. I know these girls had no conscious intention to try to sexualize themselves, but because of the society they have been born into and have been drowning in ever since, they did it unconsciously. I have realized that I have a huge responsibility to try to steer them away from such behaviour and if they must have a camera, to teach them some photography skills to encourage them to take pictures of other things.

The end of the story: my daughter's camera was left laying around, of course, and the screen was broken. I'm not all that sad about it, either. I won't provide another so quickly and will do it with much contemplation and if I feel good about it.

A "Measure" of Success....

One of the societal norms that is having an impact on our family currently is the fact that the world has basically one 'measure' to determine if a family/person is successful.

When that measure is held up against my DH and myself at the current time, we are failing miserably. That is painful not only for us but for our children and our extended family.

That measure is this: how much money a man/business makes and spends determines his success and thereby his 'worth'. More money made/spent = successful, good. Less money made/spent = nonsuccessful, bad(for lack of a better word).

One example. I have never understood why the amount of money that a state spends on a child's education is the best measure of how good an education that child is getting. Utah consistently ranks in the bottom of the pile based on that measure. It would seem to me that any entity that can take a small(relative) amount of money and make it stretch and serve as many people as possible and have a high rate of return(graduates) would be considered a great success. In business it would surely work that way. Why not in education? But for some reason, it is touted that more money spent means that a state/school/district is doing better than one who spends less. I don't get it. Probably never will.

Same thing can apply to a family. We have been a one income family for a long time who has tried not to spend money frivolously. We don't take fancy trips, we don't own new vehicles, we don't go to movies or buy recreational vehicles. We live a very simple, family-based life. By the world's measure we are not good parents because our children do not have their own bedrooms, we do not give them every toy/electronic device they want, we will not be able to pay for their college educations, etc. Heaven forbid they should have to work themselves through school. However, they are good kids who are making good choices, we get along very well most of the time with very little anger in our home. There is much music, laughter and fun. As my children get older, they are exposed to more people and different families. My oldest just returned from a mission and thanked DH and I for the home he grew up in. Said he had no idea how many people lived in a home where joy and love were not a part of life. He was so thankful that our home had had fun, joy and that the Gospel was a focus.

I realize that to the world it looks like my DH and I have made some very poor choices, i.e., not getting a college degree, having 8 children, having mom stay at home. What they don't realize is that all of those decisions were not made lightly, but with thoughts of trying to follow the counsel of the prophets and trying to follow the inspiration of the Spirit to do what was best for our family.

The day that my DH went to pick our oldest son up from the daycare center(another societal norm I had swallowed at that point in my life) and found him crying in a corner, in a very stinky diaper, while the 'workers' chatted away ignoring the children, was the day that school went out the window. We chose our children over a higher education.

It seems that perhaps events have coincided to make it possible, even necessary, for him to return to school now. The best part? He is a different man now with different goals. We have different goals as a family. Now he is going back to get a degree in a field where he has great talent and abilities that he did not want to acknowledge before and would not have chosen because it is not as lucrative. He is getting a degree in education and a teaching certificate. This man has a way with people, children in particular, and can be a force for good in many lives this way. A much different goal than the one we had 20 years ago. Money. Yup, we had swallowed that societal norm/measure whole.

Over the years experience has taught us that money does not equal success. We have learned that we would much rather measure ourselves by a different measure. We think that a better measure would be: success equals following our Savior and our Father and doing our part to build up the kingdom of God on the earth. Building a strong family culture. Serving those around us the best we can. Having enough money to care for ourselves and help others as we can is important, but it is no longer the focus. It does not determine what we study, who our friends are, how we raise our children, the number of children we have or how we spend our time. It's just a tool to be used with wisdom and judgement in this life. If we stretch it as far as possible to serve as many people as possible, isn't that good?

Why I do what I do

That title makes me think of Fiddler on the Roof.....

Why do we do what we do?

This is a question I have been asking myself a lot in the last few years. Now I wonder why I didn't ask it of myself sooner. So much time gone that would have been better spent if I had.

I've decided that it all boils down to one thing.

TRADITION!!

That begs another question. Whose tradition? And where did those traditions come from?

When I really started asking myself why I did certain things, the only answers I could come up with were "it's what we've always done" or "everyone is doing it, so it must be right". For me it began with wondering why we just accepted public schooling as the norm and from there I have begun questioning e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. And wondering why I swallowed it all, hook, line and sinker!

Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. Colossians 2:8

That's why I swallowed it. I was spoiled through the philosophies and deceit of men's traditions, or as I like to call them, 'societal norms'.

I am not trying to say that all 'traditions' are bad. Tradition is a very important tool to help bind people together, particularly families. What would Christmas be without traditions?? However, I have decided that I do not like the fact that I have been conditioned by our society to accept certain 'norms'. It makes me angry to think how my agency has been removed from me in many ways. I think that from this point on in my life I will always go kicking and screaming when anyone tells me I 'have' to do something. I want to know why. I want to know the reasons behind the societal norms. This has become my main educational focus right now for myself. To look at all areas of my life and see how we've been conditioned and to examine, research, study and come up with my own 'norms' or truths. I will no longer accept societal conditioning and have come to know that nearly all these conditionings were never for our good.

And that wicked one cometh and taketh away light and truth, through disobedience, from the children of men, and because of the tradition of their fathers. Doc & Cov 93:39

The conditioning that we have been subjected to has led us away from light and truth and caused us to be disobedient. It's all in Satan's plan to destroy as many of God's children as he can. And he has lots of helpers on this earth doing the conditioning for him.

In some future writings I will share how I, and by extension, my family, am bucking the 'norms' society has put in place.

*note-If you're wondering if I'm including religion in this questioning, the answer is no. I have already gained my own testimony of Christ as my savior. I'm thinking that getting at the truth in other areas of life ought to be a similar search, ponder and pray routine. Not just an acceptance of what we are told by others. In fact, we are encouraged to gain our own testimony, and not to rely on the testimony of parents, friends, missionaries etc. That being said, there is no doubt that there are some 'norms' in the LDS faith that are just traditions and have little to do with the actual truth. Those I have questioned as to whether they are needful for our family. Some we continue, some we don't.

Core Phase Summer

I wanted to write about some of the things rattling through my brain, but I just can't seem to find the time to write about serious things. I am still working on them in my head, but I wanted to post anyway.

During the last year, with so many changes in our family life, it became apparent that this summer was going to be a bit of a challenge. Due to the fact that Dad was not living with us full time from Aug to April, and Mom was often overwhelmed parenting 7 kids alone, some very bad habits were acquired by all of us during that time.

Mom would 'shut down' every night after dinner. No reading to kids, no playing, no nothing. Mostly just vegging in front of the computer or hiding in her bedroom, reading her own books.

The teenaged children would either 'hole up' in their rooms, reading or listening to music or sleeping, or be gone from the house with friends til late.

The younger children were left to fend for themselves and went from room to room creating havoc wherever they went. The bickering and quarreling were constant.

No one did their jobs on their own initiative. It usually required Mom losing her temper to get anyone to move and do anything. The most frustrating part was the fact that the kids would declare they didn't even know what the jobs were, when we've had the same basic daily jobs for years now.

So when the family was finally reunited this spring, Mom and Dad decided that we were going to have a Core Phase Summer. We were going to go back and focus on learning to obey, to work, to be responsible for that work and to contribute to the running of this household. Also to be trustworthy, honest and have integrity in all we do.

We have implemented a 'points system' taken from a pamphlet by LaDawn Jacob. I hesitated to go back to 'job charts' as I much prefer a 'family work' approach endorsed by Donna Goff and Kathleen Bahr. The trouble was that no one was participating willingly in the family work and mom was getting that Old Martyr Syndrome again. We decided that the charts would be used short term (summer) to help kids 'see' their responsibilities and be accountable to mark them for the work done.

So far, it's a mixed response. There are some kids who are not marking their charts even though they do the work and therefore they are not earning any points. Mom has to be vigilant in checking up on jobs done to make sure charts aren't being marked for jobs not done. Points can be converted into money for school needs or minutes of screen time. I'm hoping that as the summer continues they will see the value of doing the work AND marking their charts.

We've had to take a hard stand with some of them. We've had to use the Little Red Hen story to illustrate that if they do not help out around here they will not participate in the bounties of the work. It's very hard to deny a child the ability to sit at the table and eat dinner with the family for not doing any of their work that day. (They are provided simple food and drink so no one is starving.) It has however opened their eyes to the fact that we are very serious about what we are trying to teach them about working and contributing to the cause.

Wish I had known 10-15 years ago what I understand now about the importance of teaching these life basics to my kids. My older boys would not have to be shifting gears in their thinking at 16 and 17. But it's never too late and we will not shirk our responsibility as parents, even though it's hard to start over by unlearning old habits and learning new ones. As with all good things, the work will be worth the final product.

As you can tell by the change in the title of this blog things are happening in my life.
Things that are prompting me to do lots of introspection and reflection.
I'm beginning to question why I do what I do and if I still want to do what I do...
And if I don't, then what do I want to do?

I think that the thoughts and ideas that I have in my mind now have been there for a long time, on the back burner, waiting for the right time for me to examine them.

The right time seems to be now, 2010, and I hope to write about some of my thoughts and ideas and the directions I find myself going.

The family and our life will still be written about but I'm hoping to dig a little deeper into my own mind and heart and address some of those things as well.

Hope you'll stick around.

He's Home After Two Years!!

After two very long and short years, the day we've all been waiting for finally arrived. Elder Welch was flying home from Montana,

due to arrive at the SLC International Airport at 9:10 am on Thursday, May 27, 2010. Here is our little welcoming party.

We weren't able to bring all the kids since they were still in school. It's also not much fun since you can't go anywhere inside the airport to greet them. Just wait at the baggage claim area.

So we left the school aged kids home and told them to make a big banner to welcome him home.

As we parked the car and entered the airport we went past little family groups who had missionaries leaving that day. Lots of tears were being shed and faces were sad. It made me really glad we had listened to the counsel given to us at the MTC about not going to the airport to see our missionary off. Saying goodbye once at the MTC was enough.

It sure felt good to be there to welcome a returning missionary.

I knew there would be tears but ones of joy not sadness.

His bag was the first on the baggage claim carousel. So we thought he would be down quickly. Imagine our feelings as we watched missionary after missionary come down those stairs, be greeted by his/her family, gather bags and depart and we were still sitting there.

I finally saw a pair of feet step onto the escalator and as they descended I saw a young man leaning GQ fashion against the handrail and KNEW it was my son. I think Charlie knew it too because he began walking to this 'unknown' man. Then Soren came flying by, yelling, "Jordan!" and leaped into Jordan’s arms. That's all it took and the awkwardness was gone. We gathered up our son and his things and headed home.

He looks just like we remembered. Not much about him physically changed in those 2 years.

On the other hand, he is so much more spiritually mature now, he is truly a man. It's amazing to witness that growth in your own child.

He has jumped right back into family life. He has easily taken back the title of 'biggest tease' although he's nicer about it now.

It feels so good to be a 'whole' family again.

The countdown goes on.....

Down to 17 days.

We actually got to talk to the 'mish' for a couple of hours last night. It was so wonderful to hear his voice and realize that in a few short days that voice will be booming through the house again.

He took the time to talk to each of the children individually. What a precious gift to his mom. They are all so excited to have him come home. He has, however, promised each of them certain things that will take place when he gets home, such as bike rides and triple dates and such. I hope he's up to fulfilling all those promises.

This month is shaping up to be a very busy one so I'm sure the next 17 days will fly by. Between talks in church, a pioneer vignette for Youth Conference, Activity Days, Father/Son campouts, and just the general end-of-school-year rush, May 27 will be here before I know it. I probably ought to get to work on some of that stuff......Cya!

Lovin that Ticker

Yeah, that one right over there. The one that tells about how many days I have left til I get to see my boy!

I can't wait.

It's going by pretty fast at this point too, which is fun and scary.

Scary cause I'm not exactly sure where we are going to put this 'boy' when he gets home. We're working on it.

Whew! and Blargh!!!!

Criminy, it's been long time since I wrote a word or two on this ol' blog. Last night I GOT to teach a class on cooking with food storage basics to our entire stake. I had about 5 or 6 weeks to prepare, but of course I waited until the last week to really do any experimenting in the kitchen. You see, I HAVE food storage, and I USE some of it, but by no means am I very good at using it all. So I spent the better part of a week, making huge messes in my kitchen and smiling when something came out yummy and getting frustrated when yet again, something I baked turned out like crap!! I AM NOT A BAKER!! I've just accepted that fact. I can cook, but I hate baking. It's an art and I can't do it.

So today I was feeling oh so footloose and fancy-free. I did n.o.t.h.i.n.g. Except change diapers, and fix a couple of meals and do a couple of loads of laundry and play on my Wii Fit. HEAVEN!!

To top off my day, I went to SEARS online to see about using up a gift card I got for Christmas and lo and behold they are having a 12 hour sale. I quickly throw 4 pair of boots in my cart and try to check out. They won't give me the free shipping it says they will at checkout......I keep trying......I somehow lose my browser window and have to start over.....now my cart says it's empty......it won't let me put anything back in it......I want to cry. I was getting such a screaming deal on those boots.......I'm going to keep trying.

No name, but it's mine!

Yesterday I left a comment on Stacy Julian's blog about my greater purpose in scrapbooking. Just between you and me, I was trying to win a free seat in her Library of Memories class.
Anyhoo, she chose five comments and responded to them on her blog. Mine was one of the comments chosen....,.go here and read #5. That's me!

I would truly love to win that seat in her class, I learn so much from her, but I'll keep plugging along trying to implement her system (found in Photo Freedom) on my own.

It's another new year and here I am again...wondering if I will make any progress in improving myself this year. It seems every year I make a HUGE list of things I want to do, to learn, to work on or to change. And every year I rarely make a dent in my list. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever accomplish everything on my list or if I'll just meander through life, taking things as they come and wishing I could have more control over some of those things. Guess for now, I'll keep thinking about it and trying to work on that list. Maybe by the time I'm the same age as C's grandma T I'll have it all checked off. Grandma's Scripture lists and individually typed cards that she memorizes when she is walking on her treadmill. She is such a scriptorian.

Here's her certificate from the honorable governor of the State of Utah for reaching such an auspicious age.

Hopefully, when my progeny comes to help me celebrate my 100th birthday I'll have as many accomplishments to share as Grandma does. (Hopefully, I'll look as good as she does too!)

Project 365 blog

I have started an additional blog where I am posting my one picture a day project. Check it out here on in the links on the sidebar.

christmas 2009 newsletter

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! We are doing well considering our crazy circumstances-Kassie and kids in Monticello and Curtis back and forth between Provo and Monticello working and trying to sell our home. We have been abundantly blessed this year and know that God has worked in mysterious and not-so-mysterious ways to help our family. We are ever thankful for wonderful parents,siblings and friends who love and support us through it all. We are especially thankful for a missionary son and the blessings that come from his service. Jordan is currently in Billings, Montana, braving the frigid temperatures and striving to share the 'warmth' of the Gospel. We look forward to his homecoming in about 5 months. And we still get to talk to him two more times before then. Yay! Montana is a Jr at Monticello High. He was on the Cross Country team and had a good season, improving his times as the season went on. It was very cool to see him head out the door each day for his practice. It's not easy to run at 7000 ft above sea level. He is thisclose to getting his driver's license, finally. He still misses his friends at AHS but is slowly adjusting to life in a small town. Ford, on the other hand, has more friends here than he can keep track of. He just jumped into the social scene and took off. He is rarely home before 6 every night and does his best to find things to do with friends after that hour as well. He is a sophomore and was on the JV football team. He loved playing football and loved making an interception when he finally got into a varsity game. Cambria is in 7th grade, which is in high school in Monticello. She was a bit nervous about going back to public school after homeschooling and nervous about going to high school. But she has made some good friends and is doing very well in school. It was fun to see her name in the local newspaper for being on the honor roll. She is also in band, playing the clarinet, and seems to have some of the Welch talent for music. She was invited to attend an honor band activity where they learned 4 songs in two days and performed them in front on an audience the second day. We love to hear her playing at home, both piano and clarinet. Hannah is a very social 5th grader at Monticello Elementary. She collects friends! She is doing well in school in spite of needing to do some catching up in math. She enjoys Activity Days and hanging out with her cousins who live down the hill from us. She is playing Jr. Jazz basketball for the first time, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was the last time. Not her favorite thing! Sadie is in 3rd grade and is a model student. She LOVES school and tries to be the best student she can. She is excelling in reading and math is not the torture she once thought it was. She is also playing Jr. Jazz basketball and made the first 2 points(and only 2 points) in their very first game of the season. She has made several friends and can say with all honesty, "I have way more friends here than I ever had in Provo." Soren is almost 4 and adjusting to being at home without his sisters all day long. It's been a hard adjustment for him. He has a good friend who happens to be the son of my high school friend/college roommate. He also likes to play with his cousins, or run away from them, depending on the day. Cars still rules his thoughts, but he likes MarioKart as well. Charles is 9 months old and REALLY working on walking. He has no use for rolling over or crawling, just wants to go straight to walking. I suppose he won't be ruined for life if he does things in the 'wrong' order. He has two teeth and loves food. He is a wonderful child and we are so happy that he joined our family this year. I am just trying to keep my sanity and things straight as I try to keep up with the kids and all their activities. I miss my Primary calling, miss the kids and the music. I look forward to someday getting to sit through meetings again when Charles goes to Nursery. I have resumed my work as a nail technician, one appt per day, working out of my sister's salon. It's funner when there are other people around. I am so happy to be 'home' again and be near my sisters and my parents. I've longed for this for years and I'm finally here! Curtis is busy trying to finish up some of the projects in our house. We have listed it and are hoping for a quick sale so he can live with us full time, rather than part time. It has been a hard year for him, being unemployed and underemployed, but both he and I have learned alot. We are thankful for the job he does have but hope to have or create a different one soon. He has kept the road between Monticello and Provo hot! We wish you all the best in the coming year. It seems like it would be easy to get bitter and frustrated and angry when times are hard, as they are in our country right now. Thanks to our Savior, whose birth we are celebrating, we have found it easy to have hope and even joy and peace in the midst of our trials. 'Peace that surpasseth all understanding' is our wish for all!

So Close to Home....it's a bit scary!

This looks a bit too close to my reality right now, as DH and I consider what to do since yet another job interview has come and gone and someone else was hired. I hope that we do not get to the point of losing everything like the family in the movie. I do know that as long as we work together and trust in Him we will be okay regardless of what else is lost. I'm anxious to see this movie when it opens.

Randomness

Just some random photos from the last couple of months... Loyd's Lake XC race and a 3rd place JV Boys finish. Way to go!!

JV football game and some playing time for Ford. Go Bucks!! Kids enjoying their first high school football game. We had the wrong colors on and stuck out in the sea of orange and black!

Sadie’s baptism day, Aug 09.

More to come!!

Thank Heaven!

Last Thursday was my mom's follow-up PET scan after her chemo treatments. And it was.....CLEAR!!!
No radiation is needed. It was the BEST news and we are thrilled for her and we are so thankful to Heavenly Father that the treatments worked and we still have our mom.

Happy Half-Birthday!

Yesterday was Charlie’s six month birthday. I can't believe it's been that long since I was cuddling a sweet little newborn. I was thinking a few days ago that I really don't remember what he looked like that day, either. So sad that my memory doesn't function as well as it should and how thankful I am for pictures to help me remember. This is what he looks like now. His hair is growing back in and it's quite blond. His eyes are changing and we still don't know what color they will be, right now they are rather gray. He is a chubby, happy-when-he's-held boy. He knows how to zip all over in his walker and he knows how to roll from back to front. He will sit up for a few seconds and loves to snuggle. He gives the best baby hugs I've ever had. Yesterday I also got a link to a video of a couple who had a baby with Trisomy 13. It is the most heart-rending, but beautiful, story I've seen in a long time. If you feel like a good cry, go here. You can also read about it here and here. I had a friend who had a Trisomy 18 baby. They also chose not to terminate but to celebrate his life. He wasn't here long either, but he sure was loved. I went to bed last night with tears in my eyes and a tightness in my chest and held my baby just a little closer.

What color are you?

Read about this color quiz over on Karla S.'s blog. Thought it sounded interesting.

I am a 7.

7. Violet: Also an old soul. Intense, cerebral, wise, loving, generous, sentimental, and artistic.

I know for sure that the sentimental part fits like a glove, not too sure about any of the rest of it.

Give it a try.

I think I'll go try it with my maiden name.

What I See Out My Front Window Now and some Thanks!

If you had told me a year ago I'd be where I am today, I'd have laughed at you and silently wished you were right.
Things have been changing right and left for us in the last year. We've gone from employed to unemployed to underemployed. We've gone from home-schooling/private-schooling to public schooling. And we've gone from living in the city to living in a small-town.
(OK, I wish I was still homeschooling the kids, but it seemed like the best way for my kids to integrate into the town and get to know the children, so they are in public school this year and are, for the most part, loving it.)

This picture is what I see when I look out my front window today. Those are the Blue Mountains and they are so beautiful to my eyes. I grew up in this house and have watched those mountains for years. I finally learned to see the 'horsehead' on it's side, I've watched rain and snow storms envelope them and make them disappear. I've watched the maples turn scarlet and the aspens turn gold and I'm thrilled that I get to see them every day again and share them with my husband and children. (I've already drug them up the moutain road to look for deer and wild turkey!)

If there are any of my wonderful friends from Utah County reading this, please know how much your help with packing and loading, as well as your loving concern for our family meant to me. I feel so blessed to be able to call you friends, knowing that our friendship won't end even though miles separate us. Our doors will always be open to you and we'd love to have you come visit.
Thanks so much for so many good memories and years in Utah County. I love you all!

p.s. I'm not missing the traffic. at. all.
But I'm going to have to get myself more organized since I can't just run to WalMart everytime I need something!

July recap!!

We got together with everyone in Bluff. It is so hot in Bluff in July. We were thankful that Grandma had invested in a Slip-n-Slide for the kids to keep busy and cool.

Slippin and Slidin at Grandma and Grandpa's house in Bluff on a hot July afternoon.

Peyton has an interesting technique-floating on the air!

Hannah

We celebrated Sadie's 8th birthday when we returned to Provo. One of our family traditions is to have the birthday person choose what we eat for dinner on their birthday. Some kids always choose the same thing, some choose something different every day. This year Sadie chose Pizza Casserole. We eat it often so it's not really a treat, but it is something she likes, so it's all good.

Sadie's Birthday dinner-Pizza Casserole and salad! 

Sadie will be baptized in a few days by her dad. She is pretty excited for this special day! We are too!

Sadie's checkerboard CupCAKE. 

The end of an era...

Today we had to do something we knew would come eventually but were hoping it wouldn't come so soon.

We had to put our red heeler, Ginger, to sleep.

We have had her for 9 years and she has been an amazing pet/protector for our family. If you know anything about heelers, you know that they are fiercely protective of their 'people'. She only loved us and wanted to take out anyone she thought was a threat to her family, which was practically every other person on the planet. She has been our doorbell for all those years as well.

She is/was silly and hated thunder and fireworks. So she always managed to get out of the backyard and try to come in the front whenever she felt frightened. Well, this year on the 4th, she got out and we weren't home so she ran to try to get away from all the noise, and this year she didn't come back.

I called the shelter and they had an older dog who had been picked up and was hurt. We went to look and it was her. So we got her out of "jail" and took her to the vet to see about her leg. It was broken and it was not a simple fracture and would have required surgery. She also had lots of arthritis and the vet wasn't sure how well she would heal or what her quality of life would be. Then throw the cost of the surgery on top of all that and we made the heart-breaking decision that it was best for all of us to euthanize her.

I told my DH I never want another pet. I can't handle the emotional pain associated with this and I feel so guilty for having to make this decision for another living creature who depended on us for everything.

I hope she knows how much she added to our lives and how much we loved her. I hope she knows that we did what we thought was best for her and that it was very difficult to let her go.

I hope they have lots of basketballs and tennisballs in heaven for you, Ginger. And that there is someone there who will throw for you.

We miss you already!

To Be An American

"I do not choose to be a common man. It is my right to be uncommon.

I seek opportunity to develop whatever talents God gave me---not security.

I do not wish to be a kept citizen, humbled and dulled by having the state look after me.

I want to take the caculated risk; to dream and to build, to fail and succeed.

I refuse to barter incentive for a dole.

I prefer the challenges of life to the guaranteed existence; the thrill of fulfillment to the stale calm of utopia.

I will not trade freedom for beneficence nor my dignity for a handout.

I will never cower before an earthly master nor bend to any threat.

It is my heritage to stand erect, proud and unafraid; to think and act myself, enjoy the benefit of my creations and to face the world boldly and say---

"This, with God's help, I have done.'

All this is what it means to be an American."

Dean Alfange,

quoted by Ezra Taft Benson, April 1968 Gen Conf.

More

With all the events of the last few months and another heavy burden added yesterday, this song by Kenneth Cope just keeps running through my mind. I sometimes wonder how much more I can deal with, yet how could I say no to any of it? The experience, the growth, the refiner's fire?

More by Kenneth Cope

More steady, more sure

More trusted, more pure

Some say it doesn't matter

More trained and more aware

More aim to get me there

I climb this far

You raise the bar

You want my heart

CHORUS

More fierce desire

To stand against the wind

More blazing fire

When dark is closing in

More love-inspired change within

So there's more and more of me to give

More words to learn and know

More etched upon my soul

Some say it doesn't matter

More tried, more true

Less me, and much more You

I stretch this tall

You sound the call

You want my all.

CHORUS

You keep reaching out--You're calling out to me for

More strengthened shoulders

To face the war with sin

More wise and bolder

To save the souls of men

A more faithful soldier to the end

You want more and more of me to give

More and more of me to give

More love, more light,

More purpose, more serve with all my might,

I need more hope, more faith

More patience, each day I pray for more

More and more of me to give

More fire, more zeal

More spirit to know what's real

More courage, more joy

More, more and more of me to give

More grateful, more true

More humble to trust and do

You call, I hear

I'll walk the path that's set in stone

My heart is fixed on getting home

And what on earth could ever matter more?

More and more of me to give

More

I need to keep these words in my mind to remind myself that I'm trying to do more, to desire to do His will until mine matches His. What on earth could matter more?

Help!

I'm trying to choose a way to paint my kitchen cabinets so I can live with them for a few more years without wanting to scream everytime I see them. They have been white with red knobs for about 10 years and it's time for an update. We were hoping to replace them, but with the job sitch that's not going to happen for a while. (See the above picture for the current kitchen. The plywood in the floor will be covered with an island at some future point as well, as we can afford to purchase the cabinets.)

What I really want to do is paint the lower cabinets either espresso(really dark brown, almost black) or black and do the upper cabs in an oatmeal color with some glazing. I've also thought about adding some trim to the doors, since they are just flat.

I could just repaint them in white and get new hardware, but they get so dang dirty all the time. I am wanting to do something that hides fingerprints and crud a bit better.

What do you think???? Will it look goofy to have our old white appliances in a black/cream kitchen until we can get the stainless ones we are planning on?

**edited to add the stupid blogger won't let me add spaces or indent my paragraphs for easier reading. Stupid blogger!**

Things are CRRRAZZZZY around here!

Here's what's been happening----Allie (11) was staying in Bluff with Grandma because Grandpa was working in Monticello last week. But on Tuesday, she had gone on the truck with Grandpa for a run. My sis, Karla, called Mom to see how Allie was doing and she said that Mom didn't sound like herself and when she asked her how she was and what she could do for her, Mom said, "Shoot me." Which is not characteristic of my mom. AT ALL! So Karla dropped what she was doing and called Wendy who called the cancer center, and then she drove to Bluff to get Mom. She had to convince her to come to Monticello to the ER, but she was able to get her there. Mom was running a fever and her white blood count was below 500. She ended up staying in the hospital until Sat. morning. They never could get anything to culture out, so it must have been a virus that was making her sick. She had been pumped full of antibiotics, which doesn't help fight a virus, although it may have been helpful for any other 'bugs' that she was exposed to in the hospital. On Thursday the dr. told Mom how sick she had been and how serious it was. He told Mom and Dad that if she had been a couple of hours later in getting to the hospital, she might not have made it, that at that point there would have been nothing they could have done to help her. She thought that was so crazy because she hadn't felt that sick, just like she was getting a cold. But when your immune system is basically non-functional due to chemo, that's serious. There aren't any white blood cells to fight anything off. None of us realized until that point how important, life or death serious, it is for her to keep away from sick people. I feel so guilty for going down there at the beginning of May with kids who had been getting over colds. It was strange to look at my mom lying there in that hospital bed. My mom, who is always full of energy and going 90 miles an hour and leaving me in the dust. Lying there, with her hair gone and hooked up to heart monitors and IV's, she almost looked fragile. And I didn't like that! My mom has always been the strong, healthy one. It was surreal. Thankfully, her white count came back up exponentially every day that she was in the hospital and she's doing well now. She called me yesterday and she had her count done again to see if she should even come up this week for chemo and it is high enough that they can go ahead with her treatment. Which is good, so it doesn't throw off her scheduled appointments. This will be treatment #4. After this one, they will run a CT scan again to see if the cancer is shrinking. I'm so anxious to hear that they don't 'see' anything. Add to this the regular chaos of a house full of children who are BORED because there's nothing to do, Primary responsibilities including ^%&#*$& Cub Scouts, a husband who is now working two jobs so we never see him and you have some idea of why I don't update my blog very often. In fact, I'm ignoring a crying baby right now because I needed to email a missionary son and thought I'd do a quick post here as well. OK, back to my regularly scheduled life!

I'm taking it slowly....

I have to confess that painting scares the crud out of me. Why, you ask?

I have no idea.

I think it's because I might choose the wrong color--ask C about the color I chose for the dining room! We went with the one he chose.
Or because I might make a blasted mess. Um, yeah, that goes without saying.

But I am slowly learning that this is something I CAN do.

So, although I have a long way to go to be as fearless as Rebecca or Melissa or Kimba (who inspire me all the time to want to DO something) , I want to show you my first repainted thrift store find.

Got this little chalkboard/whiteboard easel at good ol' DI and pulled out my trusty sponge brush and patio paint.

I like how it turned out and I love that the black hides the marker.


Maybe some day I'll feel brave enough to put a brush to a wall or use spraypaint.

Here It Is!

We caught one of those fleeting smiles.

Hooray!

Today I got the best gift!

I've been waiting for it for about 9 months and 6 weeks.

An unsolicited smile on the sweet face of my littlest guy.

Swoon!!

I swear it makes ALL the sleepless nights WORTHWHILE.

p.s. I will attempt to capture a picture of his sweet smile and post it here.

Looking Up!

We spent yesterday evening at Aunt Joann’s funeral. What an amazing woman! She had really lived and left a tremendous legacy of compassion and love for her family. She died of Lyme disease so she generously donated her body for Lyme disease research so there was no casket or trip to a cemetery. Just a lovely service to remember her and what she did with her life.

My mom had a couple of really good appointments at the Huntsman Cancer Center and is feeling really optimistic about the treatments and her prognosis.

My aunt Betty also was given some encouraging information from her doctors about her condition.

Sweet baby boy is gaining weight. I can see it in his face and his legs are finally starting to get some chub on them. That's a relief. I think a real smile is just around the corner and I'm anxiously waiting for it.

And finally, I have a new niece, Ane.  Born last night, to a mother who thought she'd never have a chance to experience pregnancy and childbirth. Priceless.

Just when things seem to be so dark and hopeless, a little light shines through. Miracles happen.

In Need of Hope...

This has been a very hard week for me and my family. It seems that trouble has found us and is loathe to leave. When I was growing up in my very small hometown, it seemed like serious illness and death occurred in groups of 3. (Maybe we're just pattern-noticers or superstitious!) And it's happened again. Two people who I love dearly have been diagnosed with that big nasty C-word.

CANCER!!

One is a first diagnosis and hopefully it has been caught soon enough to take care of. The other is someone who has fought this battle before, and it's come back again. This time it looks like it might be the last fight. Then we received word that Aunt Joann passed away last night after a long fight with Lyme disease. It was so painful watching a lovely, vibrant woman wither away. As always, I feel so thankful that she is released from the pain and physical suffering she endured, but I ache for her children and for Uncle Keith. This is the second wife he has attended through a long illness and death. I'm finding it really hard right now to have a happy countenance or a cheerful outlook. I can only imagine how I would be feeling if I did not have the knowledge of the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ to give me hope. I can see how things like this would make life seem truly hopeless. I know that He is aware of all that we go through and can succor us in our times of need, and that through His love I will be able to feel hope and peace again and put on a smile for my family.