One of the societal norms that is having an impact on our family currently is the fact that the world has basically one 'measure' to determine if a family/person is successful.
When that measure is held up against my DH and myself at the current time, we are failing miserably. That is painful not only for us but for our children and our extended family.
That measure is this: how much money a man/business makes and spends determines his success and thereby his 'worth'. More money made/spent = successful, good. Less money made/spent = nonsuccessful, bad(for lack of a better word).
One example. I have never understood why the amount of money that a state spends on a child's education is the best measure of how good an education that child is getting. Utah consistently ranks in the bottom of the pile based on that measure. It would seem to me that any entity that can take a small(relative) amount of money and make it stretch and serve as many people as possible and have a high rate of return(graduates) would be considered a great success. In business it would surely work that way. Why not in education? But for some reason, it is touted that more money spent means that a state/school/district is doing better than one who spends less. I don't get it. Probably never will.
Same thing can apply to a family. We have been a one income family for a long time who has tried not to spend money frivolously. We don't take fancy trips, we don't own new vehicles, we don't go to movies or buy recreational vehicles. We live a very simple, family-based life. By the world's measure we are not good parents because our children do not have their own bedrooms, we do not give them every toy/electronic device they want, we will not be able to pay for their college educations, etc. Heaven forbid they should have to work themselves through school. However, they are good kids who are making good choices, we get along very well most of the time with very little anger in our home. There is much music, laughter and fun. As my children get older, they are exposed to more people and different families. My oldest just returned from a mission and thanked DH and I for the home he grew up in. Said he had no idea how many people lived in a home where joy and love were not a part of life. He was so thankful that our home had had fun, joy and that the Gospel was a focus.
I realize that to the world it looks like my DH and I have made some very poor choices, i.e., not getting a college degree, having 8 children, having mom stay at home. What they don't realize is that all of those decisions were not made lightly, but with thoughts of trying to follow the counsel of the prophets and trying to follow the inspiration of the Spirit to do what was best for our family.
The day that my DH went to pick our oldest son up from the daycare center(another societal norm I had swallowed at that point in my life) and found him crying in a corner, in a very stinky diaper, while the 'workers' chatted away ignoring the children, was the day that school went out the window. We chose our children over a higher education.
It seems that perhaps events have coincided to make it possible, even necessary, for him to return to school now. The best part? He is a different man now with different goals. We have different goals as a family. Now he is going back to get a degree in a field where he has great talent and abilities that he did not want to acknowledge before and would not have chosen because it is not as lucrative. He is getting a degree in education and a teaching certificate. This man has a way with people, children in particular, and can be a force for good in many lives this way. A much different goal than the one we had 20 years ago. Money. Yup, we had swallowed that societal norm/measure whole.
Over the years experience has taught us that money does not equal success. We have learned that we would much rather measure ourselves by a different measure. We think that a better measure would be: success equals following our Savior and our Father and doing our part to build up the kingdom of God on the earth. Building a strong family culture. Serving those around us the best we can. Having enough money to care for ourselves and help others as we can is important, but it is no longer the focus. It does not determine what we study, who our friends are, how we raise our children, the number of children we have or how we spend our time. It's just a tool to be used with wisdom and judgement in this life. If we stretch it as far as possible to serve as many people as possible, isn't that good?
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