I'm so wishy-washy...

Lately I've been really disenchanted with my 'farm chores'. This will be the second winter of caring for chickens and I find myself dreading going out into the cold to take care of them. So each day it seems to be later in the day before I get out there. I mentioned to Curtis how tired I was of the chore and he said that, if I want to, we can give them all to our farmer friend and just buy the eggs from him....I'm thinking I like the sound of that.

When we moved here 5 years ago I was so excited and gung-ho to have the space to build a mini-farm. I wanted chickens, possibly goats or a milk cow, and a LARGE garden. It took us a while to get our feet under us and start collecting. We built garden boxes, we got more bees, we got the chickens and came thisclose to getting milking goats. In the last three years, this is what I've learned:

• I'm not a gardener. I like growing food, but I'm not Mavis and I'm not going to grow tons of food because I don't like being outside working in the garden all day!
• I'm not my dad. I don't like having daily feeding chores. Last winter I kept asking myself why I had turned myself into my dad. I had animals that I HAD to feed every day... rain, snow or shine.
• I'm SSSOOOOOOOO glad I never got a goat or cow to milk! If I think feeding chickens, collecting eggs and cleaning a coop is bad...! Yikes. 
• I thought the kids would be more involved in all this, but that was my dream, not theirs, hence the fact that C and I are the ones doing all the work....
• Although I'm thankful to have tried these things and for what I've learned (about chickens and gardening) through this experience, it's not my love and passion. I don't dream about it...anymore. 

My friend and I were discussing this the other day, (she still loves this stuff) and she asked me what my passion was. What do I love to do and long to do? And I had to say, "I don't know." I truly don't. I wonder if I'll every figure it out, or if I'll just go through life, trying this or that or whatever is sounding good at the moment only to realized it's not IT either.

I have heard of mothers who feel like they've lost themselves in the process of mothering and I've never quite related to that. But now, after 25+ years of being a mom I'm realizing I'm not sure who I am or what I am beyond a mom. I'm not angry or resentful about it, mostly I'm confused and curious. What lies within me waiting to be discovered?

I recently read a blog post, (can't find the link or I'd post it) and it talked about how people have either a 'fixed' mindset or a 'growth' mindset. It was very interesting and has given me a lot to think about. I've realized that logically I say I have or believe in a 'growth' mindset but my behavior and history tell me I've lived a 'fixed' mindset. I want to change that. I want to stop being afraid to try new things or to learn. I have a number of things I've wanted to do/learn but as I have grown older when I think of them, I usually think to myself that "it's too late, the time for such things is past". I think it's more that I'm letting fear of failure stop me from attempting things. I've always said it's never too late to learn or that learning never stops, yet I stop my learning at the doing stage. I study, research and digest information and then never DO anything with it other than think about it.

I'm hoping that in my wishy-washy way I can find what my passion is, or at least find something I truly enjoy doing, and actually make myself DO IT!

Highlights of May 2014

Just a few highlights from the month of May:

Surf and Slurp opens- first shaved ice of the year!!

Charles the Insect man...6 pairs of eyes.

Soren gets awards at Pack Meeting. Good Job!!

James has a bout with stomach flu. Poor little guy.

Ford and Shiala bring Kami down for her first visit to Grandpa and Grandma's house.

Why Yes! That is snow. In May! we asked for it.

Curtis gets to play grandpa again when he goes to the BYU Invitational. I am jealous!

Love this one! She looks pretty comfy there!

Montana has had a pretty good time in Idaho. He has gone to lots of fun places with his roommates.
He also had some heartbreak and it was very hard on him. Life lessons. They always hurt a bit.

Cambria, the shoulder angel?
You should have seen the process to get her up there. Oh, my!

The boys helped me plant some seeds in the garden. These are peas.
They were excited thinking about eating them when they grow.

Our little apple tree has lots of blossoms on it. We hope it will provide lots of apples in years to come.

Cheep, cheep

Sadie acquired two more chicks through her CTE class from Mr. Walker. They are learning about chickens and how to care for them. James is fascinated by them and wants to watch and touch them all the time.

Pip-darker chick in back, & Chip-yellow chick in front

Sadly, this is the last photo of Chip. She was mortally wounded in an accidental knocking over of the tub not long after this photo was taken. It was a very tough day for James, me and Sadie. 

Harvest 2013

Just recording what we've been able to harvest off our garden this year:

Spinach-several quart bags frozen for smoothies, some raw for juicing and some fed to chickens.

Lettuce-mesclun-salads, sandwiches and chickens. Grows great here in our cooler climate!

Peas-just enough for eating raw. Can't convince the little boys to leave them on the vine til they're big.

Chard-a bit for juicing, mostly for feeding greens to the chickens.

Bell peppers-so far we've picked 6 and they taste GOOD! Lots of little ones still on the plants. *edited*-I harvested the last of the peppers the day before it snowed, thank goodness! I got 46 peppers. Bumper crop for us!

Green beans-I planted bush beans thus year and they've done well. So far I've picked enough to cook for two meals for our family size. Still lots of little beans growing.

Onions-pulled up a few that were supposed to be green onions but were about the size of pickling onions. We've decided to just leave them all to grow bigger. 

Strawberries-they're really producing right now. Good sized berries that are juicy and yummy. Hoping the plants spread well and we have lots more next year!

Pumpkin-not harvested yet but there are two little pumpkins growing away on the vine. Hopefully they'll be big enough for us to use at Halloween.

Garden-summer 2013

Last year we started our garden by cutting down two trees and building the boxes for the raised beds. This year we wanted to get them going, but it was soooo hard to find compost or decent dirt that we could afford. We ended up spending more than we wanted and not getting quite what we wanted and by the time we got it the season for planting was pretty well past. We decided to just plant anyway to see how things would grow. We have been happily surprised to find that things grew well and that we were able to grow lots of things that we wanted to. We plan to build more boxes and someday the entire back yard will be a garden that will supply us with lots of our food. We have purchased a 'bender' for electrical conduit which you use to make hoops. The hoops and ag-fabric are used to make mini greenhouses or hoop--houses. This allows us to extend the growing season on both ends, being able to plant earlier and harvest longer. We will work on hoops during the winter and hopefully will have them available to use early next spring. When you live at 7000 ft you need some way to extend the growing season, it's pretty short. We also planted four trees this year, two apple-one Golden Delicious, and one Honeycrisp, one pear, and one plum. The plum tree did not survive, but the other three are doing well. We are excited to some day eat an apple off our own tree.

Good Things:
Harvesting all the greens today...
Evening thunderstorm...
Jordan and Lindsey are coming to visit next week!!

Our current garden beds-L to R
Strawberries/Green beans, Onions/Pumpkin, nothing, Lettuce/Spinach/Tomatoes/GreenPeppers/Chard, Raspberries

I LOVE strawberries. In all my married life, I've never grown any. I've planted them a couple of time but never gotten them to grow. We planted 10 plants this year, lost one, and finally we have lovely sweet red-all-the-way-through berries!!

Green peppers are quite prolific this year. We counted 14 peppers on one plant today. 

Lots of green tomatoes. All the rain is making it hard to stress the plants so that the tomatoes will turn red.

We feel very blessed to have been able to get this much to grow this year and are excited to think about the possibilities of the future. There is something so satisfying about growing some of your own food!

Jr livestock

This is our 3rd year doing Jr. Livestock. The first year Ford and Cambria did pigs through the FFA. They did all the care and feeding and we relied an awful lot on Mr. Walker to help since we as parents had no idea what to do. 

Last year Cambria, Hannah and Sadie all raised pigs. Cambria's didn't make weight so she showed Sadie's and Hannah showed hers, again through FFA.

This year all the girls and Soren wanted to raise a pig so we went through 4H. We've had the pigs since April and they are very good, nice pigs this year. They are all big enough this year as well, in fact some are almost too big!

One of the requirements for Jr. Livestock is doing a couple of hours of service at the fairgrounds. We went early on the Saturday morning when the fair began and spent time helping spread the wood shavings in the show arena, mucking out the steer stalls and pulling weeds. It was fun to watch them do a bit of work and realize it wouldn't kill them!

Jr. Livestock has been good for our family. It has helped the kids learn to care for animals. It has caused them to do hard things like doing showmanship when they'd rather not. It has made them stretch themselves a bit further than is  comfortable. Kind of hard to smile at the buyers when in the sale ring. :) It has been a source of income for them as well. I imagine we'll be involved for many years to come.

Sadie bucking a bale of wood shavings...

Hannah, raking the fluff around...

Cambria

Hannah and her trusty rake...

Soren trying to shovel it, which is like trying to shovel cotton balls.

Cambria, Soren and Sadie

Soren, Cambria, Sadie, and Hannah

Making ourselves useful, getting those service hours in...

This is why.....

When we lived in Provo, we longed to be able to have a few animals for our kids to care for. Our lot there was only 1/5 of an acre so besides our dog we weren't allowed to have animals. Eventually an ordinance was passed that allowed for hens. I think we would have been allowed four based on the size of our lot. It just never happened. We did do a co-op effort with the Lefebvres. The chickens lived at their house but we helped with costs and got eggs in return.

Still we wanted to have the experience of caring for them ourselves.

Finally after four years here in Monticello with lots of land around us we finally have chickens......and this is why we are so happy to be living in the country! (One of the reasons!) 

Today I watched as Sadie and Charles sat patiently feeding greens to the chickens. I love that they are willing to help care for them and that they can just go out there whenever they feel the urge. I have been especially surprised at how much the little boys like feeding and watching them. And this is why I wanted to move to the country!

Good things; (stole this idea from a blog I've been reading. Love this idea!)

Jenny Phillips playing the piano for us in YW yesterday. (Her brother is in our ward)

Making a birthday book for Montana(Elder Welch) during FHE... 

Getting my weekly email from Elder Welch! 

Only 3 1/2 months til he comes home!

Wolfberries part 2

 So here is the progression of my wolfberry sprouts. We have little green plants.

I have actually planted these little plants in a planter now. They aren't much bigger than what you see here though. I'm not sure what they need to grow bigger. I'm not sure if I'm overwatering or underwatering. Such an experiment. Thankfully I have lots more dried berries I can get seeds from if I need to.

Can I really grow wolfberries?

Because I'm a wannabe gardener/farmer I sometimes read Countryside or Backwoods Home magazines. Last year I read about wolfberries, more commonly known as Goji berries. I decided that I was going to try to collect some seed and plant them to see if I can get them to grow here. 

When I went north in April to DYT Club Night, I stopped at Real Foods Market and found a bag of dried Goji Berries. Apparently that's the best way to get seed for growing them. Following the directions in the article I read, I soaked some berries overnight and the next day I squished the tiny seeds out of them. I should have put something in that picture for comparison's sake. But they are tiny, about the size of a pinhead. 

After letting them dry for a few days I planted them.  Hope this works!