In the last 18 months or so I have come to the realization that Heavenly Father often uses music to speak to me, to answer prayers and to comfort me. I wanted to record a few examples that have occurred in that time frame.
~In August of 2013, I was released from my YW calling. I knew it was coming, I'd been in there for 3 years, so it was time. When I went into my appt with the bishop for a new calling he mentioned that he had a lot of changes to make. I figured I would get a Pirmary calling, maybe to team teach with my mom, or into the presidency as they had been in as long as I had been in YW. I never expected to hear the words that next came out of the Bishop's mouth!
He looked at me and said he was extending a call to me to be the choir director for the ward. I sat there, dumbfounded. I'm sure my mouth was open. When he asked me if I could accept that call I struggled to find my voice and then said, 'But, Bishop, I don't know anything about leading music.' He asked me if I played the piano, and I told him I did but only for myself, that I couldn't play when people sing and I wasn't every good at all. He told me that he knew I could figure this out and do it. He again asked if I would accept the call and I tearfully told him I would try. I have never felt so inadequate for a calling before. Of course, they haven't called me to play the piano or organ and that would be even worse.
He looked at me and said he was extending a call to me to be the choir director for the ward. I sat there, dumbfounded. I'm sure my mouth was open. When he asked me if I could accept that call I struggled to find my voice and then said, 'But, Bishop, I don't know anything about leading music.' He asked me if I played the piano, and I told him I did but only for myself, that I couldn't play when people sing and I wasn't every good at all. He told me that he knew I could figure this out and do it. He again asked if I would accept the call and I tearfully told him I would try. I have never felt so inadequate for a calling before. Of course, they haven't called me to play the piano or organ and that would be even worse.
Over the next few weeks, I cried every week in Church. I could feel the Bishop's eyes on me,(cause we sit in the front) and at one point he even gave a lesson in RS about accepting and magnifying our callings. I know it was directed to me. I didn't start practices right away, true to my energy type, I needed to do some research and see if I could teach myself to lead music before holding a practice. After about a month, with inquiries from the bishop and the pianist, I was starting to feel the pressure to get going with practice, I had no idea what to sing and to make matters worse, we were asked to provide the music for the upcoming stake conference. Oh, my stomach!!!
As I thumbed through the hymnbook and pondered different songs throughout my days, one line from one song kept coming into my head. I didn't even know the name of the song at first, although it was a familiar tune and I liked it. As it kept coming to me, I started to pay attention to it and realized that it was a Tabernacle Choir version that was running through my head. I decided that it would be very appropriate for our first song as well as to sing in Stake Conference. The song was Praise To The Lord, The Almighty. As we began practicing the song, (so thankful for the faithful people who support the choir and diligently come sing and put up with my poor music-leading skills!) I realized that the line of the song that had been running through my head was not only a clue about what song to sing, but was the Lord's words of comfort to me. The line was "ponder anew, what the Almighty can do, who with His love doth befriend thee".
He knew how I was struggling to accept and do this calling, how inadequate I felt and how scared I was and he was telling me to rely on him. What could not be done with the love and help of The Lord? I knew then that I would be able to get through this calling with his help and hopefully learn some new skills in the process. That was really so comforting to me and I loved hearing the choir share that message in Stake Conference, which happened to be my music-leading debut! It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be because when I stood to lead I could only see the faces of my ward choir friends and with their help and the Lord's I got through that and am still learning and growing in this calling.
He has helped me with music a couple of other times, most recently our Easter song. Often he will put a tune or line of music into my head and when I really notice it's constancy I know its one we need to sing in Choir. I have enjoyed finding songs or arrangements that are not the standard or as well known. That part of the calling has been very fun for me. And I appreciate his little clues to them.
~The next significant time that The Lord used music to help me was in January. I had been working at the school, helping do bathroom cleaning because of medical issues of one of the regular workers, and at that time I was really in the doldrums about my life. I was feeling like I'd lost myself somewhere over the years and wondering if my life would ever be more than just being a mom, or cleaning up after everyone. Satan had really been doing a number on me, making me question my life's choices.
One morning as I was mopping a floor and as I was listening to "Music with a Message' on the Mormon Channel, I heard a song that just stopped me in my tracks. It is by Jenny Jordan Frogley, (whose music I love) but I had never heard it before. It is titled In The Meantime. It was truly an answer to my searching, seeking soul that day and it has brought me much comfort and helped me find joy in my chosen path again. Here are the words:
In her heart she holds the dreams,
That she's carried since the day she turned thirteen.
Of all that she would be when she was grown,
Of all that she would do when she was finally on her own.
She dreams she flies,
She's still waiting for the chance to try...
But in the meantime she's a mother and a daughter and a wife.
Doing all she can to stay above the daily grind.
And she wonders when she'll ever have more meaning in her life,
She doesn't know she's being molded and refined,
In the meantime.
Someday she'll go back to school.
When the car pools and the soccer games are through.
Cause deep inside she's still the girl,
Who's always felt the fight to make a difference in the world.
She dreams she'll soar,
When she finally has the time to do more...
But in the meantime she's a sister and a teacher and a friend.
Hours turn into days, that turn to years that never end.
And she wonders when she'll ever really find herself again,
She's becoming one on whom God can depend,
In the meantime.
Heaven feels the joy of every victory in her life,
and heaven hears her heart before she cries.
Somewhere in the middle of the triumphs and the trials,
She's becoming sanctified.
In the meantime she's an answer and a blessing and a gift,
to every empty, aching heart that only she can lift.
Still she wonders if she'll ever get to see where heaven is,
If she could only see the mansion waiting there.
If she could only feel how much her father cares.
She would know she's being perfectly prepared,
In the meantime. Jenny Jordan Frogley
That she's carried since the day she turned thirteen.
Of all that she would be when she was grown,
Of all that she would do when she was finally on her own.
She dreams she flies,
She's still waiting for the chance to try...
But in the meantime she's a mother and a daughter and a wife.
Doing all she can to stay above the daily grind.
And she wonders when she'll ever have more meaning in her life,
She doesn't know she's being molded and refined,
In the meantime.
Someday she'll go back to school.
When the car pools and the soccer games are through.
Cause deep inside she's still the girl,
Who's always felt the fight to make a difference in the world.
She dreams she'll soar,
When she finally has the time to do more...
But in the meantime she's a sister and a teacher and a friend.
Hours turn into days, that turn to years that never end.
And she wonders when she'll ever really find herself again,
She's becoming one on whom God can depend,
In the meantime.
Heaven feels the joy of every victory in her life,
and heaven hears her heart before she cries.
Somewhere in the middle of the triumphs and the trials,
She's becoming sanctified.
In the meantime she's an answer and a blessing and a gift,
to every empty, aching heart that only she can lift.
Still she wonders if she'll ever get to see where heaven is,
If she could only see the mansion waiting there.
If she could only feel how much her father cares.
She would know she's being perfectly prepared,
In the meantime. Jenny Jordan Frogley
I tearfully listened as I worked and I hoped and prayed it was true. That as I sacrificed to be a wife and mother, I was being molded and refined, one on whom God could depend, sanctified and perfectly prepared. I felt the truth of those words burn into my heart and in that moment I could let go of the pain and sadness I had been letting take over my heart. I've always known that God could and was making more of my life than I could make of it, this song just reaffirmed it to me in a morment of weakness and sadness.
How thankful I am for music, for those who have a way of putting principles and truths into words and set them to music so that they can speak to my soul when it needs comforting. We have so much good music to listen to that teaches truth and brings the spirit into our lives and homes. What a blessing and resource our loving Father has provided for his children.
How thankful I am for music, for those who have a way of putting principles and truths into words and set them to music so that they can speak to my soul when it needs comforting. We have so much good music to listen to that teaches truth and brings the spirit into our lives and homes. What a blessing and resource our loving Father has provided for his children.
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