The tender mercies and answered prayers

I have always been thankful to have have my prayers answered and know that Heavenly Father is aware of me and my needs. Lately, however, I have noticed that not only are they answered but they are answered in very specific to me ways. Ways that I can really see that he knows and LOVES me, because they are such personal answers.

Here are a few recent examples:
1- Lately I've been feeling very unsettled, frustrated and just a general feeling of discontent with my life. I was beginning to wonder where Kassie had disappeared to. Wondering if my life would ever be more than just my role as a mom. I felt I had lost myself somewhere along the way. I had lost my creativity and desire to create. I don't think that it was confined to just me, it seems that I read of similar feelings on blogs of women I respect and also among some of my friends. Not sure why these feelings were so strong but I know they were really causing me to question why I am doing what I'm doing. I definitely was suffering from "martyr syndrome" and feeling quite picked upon and unhappy. In my head, I knew it was not warranted, I love my family and I know logically that being a mother is the greatest thing I can be doing, but at that time I just didn't FEEL it. I struggled with how to overcome these feelings and to once again find the joy in motherhood I have felt before and longed to feel again. I know that Heavenly Father knew my struggles and desires to feel at peace and happy with my choice to be a mother. He gave me that through the words of other mothers. I found a couple of blogs that I had never read before and each of these ladies shared words that really touched my heart and soul.
The first one was Karen who writes at ahousefullofsunshine.com. I found her blog through another blog about organizing, but it was her posts about mothers and her ebook, Your Beautiful Life, that really spoke to me. Here is an excerpt from her book that I really related to….

Fast-forward a few years, and I had three kids three years old and younger. I was exhausted, sleep-deprived, stressed out, and cranky. I flew from one crisis to the next all day long – breaking up fights, feeding a crying baby, cleaning up spills, tending to injuries, wiping noses, changing nappies, and answering the nonstop flow of wails and demands from my kids to open this or fix that or help them with something else. My life felt like a handmade boat, sinking not far from the shore. New leaks were springing up all over the place, and my whole existence revolved around scrambling from one leak to the next, frantically patching holes. I was in reaction mode. Survival mode. And yet, a part of me wondered – shouldn’t my life as a Mum be about more than just trying not to sink? Aren’t boats supposed to take us somewhere? ….

That’s what this book is about. Where are you going? Are you living the creative, joyful life you’ve always wanted to live? Do you have a destination in mind for your home, your family, and yourself? Or are you so busy patching holes and trying not to sink that you’ve forgotten where you’re even headed? 

But let’s be honest: when your life is consumed with your children on a daily basis, it’s easy to let an essential part of yourself slip between your fingers and disappear. 

I think of this as the GAP in your life when you become a mother. GAP stands for: 

Gifts 

Abilities 

Passions 

Some of you knew what your gifts, abilities and passions were before you become a mother, but now you feel like there’s nothing left of yourself to give to those areas. You’ve begun to forget about an essential part of who you are. 

Perhaps others of you have never taken the time to identify your giftings. 

When we suppress our creativity because we are too busy or tired or everything else seems more important, we anaesthetise a part of ourselves. 

I remember sitting on the love seat, in the addition, in the sunshine reading this ebook and having tears streaming down my face because it was so spot on for where I was at that moment. I truly believe Heavenly Father helped me find that blog when I most needed to read those words. 

Here is another quote from Karen that I love, from this post,

"Mama, I wish society could see what I see when I look at you. I wish your role was valued and honoured and respected. I wish you weren’t invisible. 

But for now, for those days when you feel unseen and unappreciated, remember the essential beauty and purpose in the hidden things.

You’re invisible the way warmth rests upon the skin; the way laughter need not be seen to find its way into the chinks and crannies of your soul. 

You’re invisible like a song in the dark. Like a kiss on a sleeping cheek. 

Like faith, and hope, and love.

Like the quiet beat of a heart, its repetitive work largely unnoticed, but without which none of us could exist." (I really loved this analogy!)

2-Another blog, entitled Mothers Who Know,  I came across on a Pinterest search for Scripture Study ideas and tips. It is written by Susan, who is the same age as me and has 8 daughters. She recently had a medical scare and as I read her experience it brought back memories of my own medical scare and I knew I needed to read her whole blog. It took me a few weeks of back-reading to read it all, but it is an amazing blog full of wisdom and truth. There are many posts on it that I will refer back to as needed, or direct others to when appropriate. 
Here is an excerpt from a post I really needed to read:

"Try as we might, we cannot separate ourselves from our divine, sacred role of mothers.  We are mothers.   Always.  Everyday.  No Matter What.  We set the tone for our families and lead our families according to our examples.  The family follows our lead, both the spoken and unspoken. This is NOT the time to  sow our wild un-sown oats from our teenage-hood.  We are not teenagers living in motherly bodies.  It was time to give all that up a lo-o--ong time ago.  We Are Mothers.  And need to act like it.  

We need to stop this mentality that is from the adversary meant and devised only to weaken mothers and eventually destroy the family, that it is OUR turn for everything.  That is such a needy and selfish way of thinking. It upsets the balance of the family.  As we are going out having "our turn", who is doing our role in the home?  Well, the children and husband are. They are at home waiting for their wife and mother to be done doing "their thing".   This "having our turn"  doesn't even strengthen us, like it promises to do.  It just emotionally detaches us from our sacred role as mothers and wives.  

It is not our turn, it is the Savior's turn. Not ours. Everything we do and are, needs to be what He would do and what He is.  We take His place in the home.  We are the healers and the nurtures. Just as everything HE did was about the Father, everything we do needs to be about the Savior."

Reading this really helped me put everything back into proper perspective. I had allowed Satan to tell me I was unhappy in my role as a wife and mother and I was allowing myself to become emotionally detached.  This post brought back to me that I really needed to just focus on the basics and being the mom that the Lord needs me to be for this family. Amazingly as we focus less on ourselves we find more joy. We love those we serve.

3- At one point a couple of books I had read years ago and loved came back into my mind. I had borrowed one from Grandma Yorgason and one from the library and had no access to them now. Our little town library did not have them in circulation. So I did what any 21st century woman does, I looked on Amazon. I was so happy to find them available and I 'threw' them into my cart and quickly bought them. I waited anxiously for them to arrive so I could read them again. 

The titles are: Things I Wish I'd Known Sooner, (Personal Discoveries of a Mother of Twelve) and Celebration! Ten Principles of More Joyous Living. 

They are written by Geroldeen Ashland Edwards. They are funny, insightful and inspiring. I have loved rereading them and they have helped me begin to find the joy in mothering that I had lost. I know that the thought of them popping into my mind was not of my doing. I hadn't thought of them in years. But Heavenly Father knew I needed to reread them and glean from them things that could help me in my current funk.

4-This year as I was trying to pick my one word for the year I had several I was contemplating. It is a year long resolution of sorts, a focus for the year. I pondered what i wanted to focus on this year and narrowed it down to Cheerful and Stickety-tuity. I guess I'm having a 2 word year this year. 

As I go about life I keep coming across the word cheerful and I have been surprised how many times I've found it in church quotes. This year we are studying Ezra Taft Benson in Relief Society. These two quotes were in lesson #4 and really caught my attention as I had just chosen Cheerful as my word.

We have no cause to really worry. Live the gospel, keep the commandments. Attend to your prayers night and morning in your home. Maintain the standards of the Church. Try and live calmly and cheerfully. … Happiness must be earned from day to day. But it is worth the effort.

Be cheerful in all that you do. Live joyfully. Live happily. Live enthusiastically, knowing that God does not dwell in gloom and melancholy, but in light and love.

I have also run across Doctrine and Covenants 64:33-34 a lot lately. I think it will be my scripture of the year. I plan to print it up nicely and frame it for my kitchen window. I  should probably try to memorize it as well. 

He has also answered my prayers through music over the years but I am going to write a whole post about that. How thankful I am that he hears me and answers my prayers, both spoken and unspoken. I love that he uses all forms of communication to answer me. I have learned that he can use whatever he desires to answer prayer and will use whatever method He knows will work. I am thankful for other women who share their hearts and wisdom and knowledge to inspire and help others. Perhaps someday, something I have shared will bless the life of someone searching for inspiration. Maybe it will be my daughter or granddaughter or even a great-great-great granddaughter. Heavenly Father often uses others to bless His children. I have been blessed by others who are acting as His hands and hope to someday be His hands in blessing someone else's life.