tender mercies, inspired leaders and direction

I want to write about an experience I had this summer. When I was in Arizona with my mom I got a call from the Stake Executive Secretary who set up an appt. for me to visit with the Stake President. Of course, I wondered what it was all about, wondering if I was going to get a new calling and what it might be if I did.

We got back from Arizona on Saturday and I went to my appt on Sunday evening. He invited me into his office and we small talked for a minute. Then he said he'd tell me why he'd called me in. He said that he'd seen me in a meeting and had a feeling and concern about me, wondering how I was doing. He didn't pursue it until he saw me again at another meeting and again felt that same concern and decided he would talk with me and see if I was ok. He asked me if I was ok and said he really didn't know why he had this concern but that he felt he should check on me. I was a bit bewildered and told him that I was fine and that everything was good. As we talked I did share with him that the last couple of years have been very hard with things that have occurred in this town that have created some uncomfortable feelings. That Curtis was really hard hit and that it was hard to watch him struggle. He shared with me that with some events in his own family, he had come to the point of learning to not say anything if it wasn't positive. That words so easily spoken have so much power to cause damage. He also said that he felt impressed to tell me that Heavenly Father was very pleased with my efforts to be a good person and a good mother. That the work I am doing in my home is the most important thing I could be doing and that he was grateful I was willing to do it.
I left his office with the same calling, (in church and at home) and a full heart from the message that an in-tune leader shared with me from my Heavenly Father.

When I got home I shared what had occurred with Curtis and he said that it was probably his fault. I told him it was probably my leaky tear-duct's fault. It seems that I cannot get through a church meeting anymore without tears and I've given up wearing mascara on my lower eyelashes. But Curtis shared with me that he had noticed me struggling lately with myself and that he had received a strong approval from the Spirit in the temple in regards to himself and so he had prayed for me to have a similar experience. He said he thought it would just occur in the temple, not through the Stake Pres. What a wonderful, loving husband I have. I'm so, so, SO grateful for his concern and love for me and that he actually prays for my benefit.

The struggle I've had lately has been seeing all the cool 'things' that people are doing and displaying on Instagram and FB, whether they are selling them or not. One of the things I've felt I've lost over the years is my creativity, and I've been wanting to rediscover it and for some reason I felt that it needed to be in a way that could be shared and possibly marketed. That for me to be creative just for creativity's sake and for my own fulfillment wouldn't be enough. That it had to be bigger, something that was unique to me and that I could sell. And I felt very inadequate to come up with something that fit that bill.

So this experience of talking to Pres. Lewis and to Curtis and the whispers of the Spirit to me, confirming what they shared with me have led me to question why I'm even having this struggle...

Then, I read this quote on a blog I've been reading for a few years, and Karen's words
 spoke to my heart/regarding me finding 'my thing'/trying to do what I see everyone else doing...

Then there's money. Everything seems to be about money. Go to school so you can make money.  Improve your talents so you can sell them. Market yourself. Find your passion so you can make money with it so you can travel and live your dreams.

Me, me, me. It's exhausting. And it's so hard not to get caught up in the fray... "What if being a mother is not enough?" I start to wonder when I get on facebook and see this message almost everywhere I look.

Whatever happened to loosing yourself in service, "freely you have received, freely give", "inasmuch as you have done it unto one of the least these..."

Not that making money is bad. Just when it becomes the motivation for doing what we do. Christ should be our motivation - money is just one of the outcomes we'll be blessed with if it would be good for us and those around us. If I'm having a hard time looking beyond this message to what is really true (that nothing matters more than motherhood; and that worth or influence is not measured by the number of followers I have or the amount of likes) then how can I hope my children see beyond it?

I'm also tired of the constant pressure to pull my family in lots of different directions. "Each child had a unique talent they must pursue at all cost and sacrifice..." so each child is away from his family most of the day "pursuing their talents" - by the time a child is in his teens, family ties are weakest just when they need to be strongest.

Family time needs to be guarded diligently. We shouldn't be so overscheduled that there is no family time during the day.  Electronic devices need to be put away for family time each day. But I digress...

It's been about a month or so since I read this and had this experience and I've come to the conclusion that my focus should still be on mothering (and grandmothering) and that while it's great for me to spend time to rediscover my creative side, it does not need to be for the purpose of marketing whatever it is I choose to do, for making money. That I can be creative for the fun of it, to share with people, to make my life more full. That I can find my 'thing' or the 'thing that I'm known for ' and it can just be that I'm known for it within my own family.

I'm grateful to know that I am not wasting my time or my life by being 'just a mom'. I feel so blessed to have received this tender mercy from the Lord. He is aware of us and our troubles and desires to bless us. He uses those who will listen to bless His children.