My New Normal

As I try to recall those first days home from the hospital I realize that they are starting to get fuzzy already. Good thing I'm writing about it now, as I may lose what little I remember of them.

the lovely medicine that kept me from more clots, shot  into me 2xday. ouch

My days consisted of giving myself a shot at 8 am, sitting in a chair in the living room for most of the day, watching my mom do all my work, giving myself a shot at 8 pm and then attempting to sleep in the same chair I sat in all day.

I still could not lie down to rest. Apparently that pain was caused by the lung tissue that died due to the blockage. Things I read on the internet suggested that it was from blood seeping out of them into the pleural sac, or the lining of the lungs. I also noticed as time went on that I could actually hear/feel my lungs rubbing that lining as I breathed. It didn't hurt, it was just a very strange sensation I can't really explain because I didn't really hear it, I guess I felt the vibration of it and it seemed I could hear it.

I was also extremely short of breath still. They told me that it would take a month or two to get my lung power back, and that it might never be quite the same. So to even go up the seven stairs to my bedroom was pretty arduous at first. I would step on a step and wait a few seconds for air, then step to the second step. Any amount of exertion caused me to be very breathless and as I struggled for breath, I had pain. So I learned to just sit and not do much because then I didn't hurt. Bending over was really painful, as was sneezing and coughing, and incredibly, yawning. I never knew how much air a person had to inhale to yawn. I had to take it in in several small breaths before I could yawn. Very strange.

One of the most disconcerting effects was that I absolutely could not concentrate on anything. Nicole and Stacy both brought me books in the hospital and normally that would be something I would devour, since I had the time. But both in the hospital and at home I found I could not follow a story-line to save my life.  I wondered at times if I would ever get my brain back. I could not crochet either. Most of my time was spent talking to Mom, who continued to stay with us to help out, and listening to episodes of different series on the Mormon Channel. Love that channel on my phone.

I was trying at this time to figure out all the insurance stuff and how we were going to pay for 7-8 months of Lovenox shots. (how I thought my poor brain could figure it out makes me laugh now, but I was very worried about it.) Our medical insurance has RX benefits, but only after the deductible is met. They also have a mail order pharmacy where you can get bulk meds at a discounted price. I determined that that was what I should look at. I called them and was in the process of setting things up, when a little voice in my head suggested that I wait until I was past the time where I often miscarry a baby. I told them I would call them back when I was ready to activate the Rx.

I should mention that I had a dr. appt with Dr.  Black during the week after I got home. I wanted to have him be updated on what was going on, get his instructions and get my OB care rolling. I told him that I would like to have an ultrasound to see if there really was a baby there as I didn't want to be taking these shots if there wasn't a baby there and I could take a cheaper medication. He agreed and we did a quick ultrasound and saw a sac with a little baby in it with a rapidly beating heart. I knew then that all the expensive shots in the world were worth it, to have one more little one to love and raise.

When the little voice whispered to wait on the bulk meds, I just thought it was good common sense. I didn't get a feeling of doom or anything, yet a couple of days later when the spotting started I realized that I had been given a bit of inspiration. The spotting was light and continued for a couple of days and I thought maybe it would go away, but in the back of my mind I had two thoughts.

1. I have never (ever!) kept a pregnancy after I have started spotting, and
2. I was on anticoagulants (commonly called blood thinners) and was very worried about what a miscarriage might be like on them. Dr. Black had told me that if I had ANY bleeding I should get to the hospital right away.

The spotting started on Thursday I think and was just light until Sun night.........