Core Phase Summer

I wanted to write about some of the things rattling through my brain, but I just can't seem to find the time to write about serious things. I am still working on them in my head, but I wanted to post anyway.

During the last year, with so many changes in our family life, it became apparent that this summer was going to be a bit of a challenge. Due to the fact that Dad was not living with us full time from Aug to April, and Mom was often overwhelmed parenting 7 kids alone, some very bad habits were acquired by all of us during that time.

Mom would 'shut down' every night after dinner. No reading to kids, no playing, no nothing. Mostly just vegging in front of the computer or hiding in her bedroom, reading her own books.

The teenaged children would either 'hole up' in their rooms, reading or listening to music or sleeping, or be gone from the house with friends til late.

The younger children were left to fend for themselves and went from room to room creating havoc wherever they went. The bickering and quarreling were constant.

No one did their jobs on their own initiative. It usually required Mom losing her temper to get anyone to move and do anything. The most frustrating part was the fact that the kids would declare they didn't even know what the jobs were, when we've had the same basic daily jobs for years now.

So when the family was finally reunited this spring, Mom and Dad decided that we were going to have a Core Phase Summer. We were going to go back and focus on learning to obey, to work, to be responsible for that work and to contribute to the running of this household. Also to be trustworthy, honest and have integrity in all we do.

We have implemented a 'points system' taken from a pamphlet by LaDawn Jacob. I hesitated to go back to 'job charts' as I much prefer a 'family work' approach endorsed by Donna Goff and Kathleen Bahr. The trouble was that no one was participating willingly in the family work and mom was getting that Old Martyr Syndrome again. We decided that the charts would be used short term (summer) to help kids 'see' their responsibilities and be accountable to mark them for the work done.

So far, it's a mixed response. There are some kids who are not marking their charts even though they do the work and therefore they are not earning any points. Mom has to be vigilant in checking up on jobs done to make sure charts aren't being marked for jobs not done. Points can be converted into money for school needs or minutes of screen time. I'm hoping that as the summer continues they will see the value of doing the work AND marking their charts.

We've had to take a hard stand with some of them. We've had to use the Little Red Hen story to illustrate that if they do not help out around here they will not participate in the bounties of the work. It's very hard to deny a child the ability to sit at the table and eat dinner with the family for not doing any of their work that day. (They are provided simple food and drink so no one is starving.) It has however opened their eyes to the fact that we are very serious about what we are trying to teach them about working and contributing to the cause.

Wish I had known 10-15 years ago what I understand now about the importance of teaching these life basics to my kids. My older boys would not have to be shifting gears in their thinking at 16 and 17. But it's never too late and we will not shirk our responsibility as parents, even though it's hard to start over by unlearning old habits and learning new ones. As with all good things, the work will be worth the final product.