Learning to feel comfortable being me

I have always struggled with me. I have had a hard time liking myself and who I am and the way I am. I have always hated pictures of myself and usually avoid being in them if possible. After reading some articles/blog posts about being in the pictures anyway, I decided that I need to just quit worrying about what I look like and whether I like how I look in the pictures and just be in them. I don't think my kids will be worried about how I looked. Hopefully they'll just be happy I'm in them at all.
I am also learning to love myself for who I am. DYT has helped me realize that I am not a mistake or flawed. I am not like my mom in lots of ways but that's ok. It's ok if I do things slower cause I get caught in the details and 'what ifs'. I have learned that some of the things I thought were weaknesses are actually my gifts to the world.
I have learned that Heavenly Father has made me the way I am and that as His child I have value and worth. Maybe some of that acceptance comes from age as well. I find as I get older I care less what anyone else thinks about me. That's a nice place to be...to finally feel comfortable being me!

probably my favorite picture of myself. I didn't smile big enough to squish my eyes shut! LOL

We were taking pictures for a DYT contest of a mom and daughter dressing their truths.

She's much more comfortable in front of a camera than I am...

Add caption

Trying to make beach waves in my hair with salt spray...

Not too wavy, but I kind of liked it...

Not bad for a girl with stick-straight hair...

This was a really GOOD hair day...

Used a flat iron to make these soft curls. Oh, the irony. Using a flat iron to add curls to naturally straight hair.

I felt really pretty this day...

Not afraid to be in pictures anymore. If I wait until I think I look good enough for pictures there will never  be any of me in them for my kids to see...

Holding Kami on her blessing day. So fun to be a grandma!

Lawn remodel

Last summer we decided that we wanted to remove the evergreen hedge that separated the upper and lower west lawns. With it there we never used the lower lawn, it just was out of sight, out of mind.  We wanted to move the trampoline to that lower west lawn and thought that it would be nice if the whole lawn was opened up for use. So we had Jim come up with the tractor and pull all the evergreens out except for the end one by the steps on the south side. Then we left it alone for the winter.
This year we dug out weeds and Curtis rototilled it to remove rocks and roots. We raked it and smoothed it, and spread new grass seed and then used my dad's old metal lawn-roller to press the seed into the soil.
The trick was to keep the soil moist while the seed germinated. That took a few weeks but by the end of summer we had a nice, gently sloping lawn that saw plenty of use this summer. It will continue to fill in in the coming years and someday no one will know there was ever a huge hedge there.

roots and rocks dug out and raked, smoothed and flattened

we removed the rock steps at the north end of the yard

Lawn now (Oct 2014)

Idaho-Emerson's blessing

Jordan and Lindsey were blessing Emerson last weekend so Curtis, Mom and I drove up to be there. We really wanted to take all the kids, but really could not afford to. Taking the Suburban is just so costly and then we would have had to have several nights at a hotel. We told the kids that we were planning to give them a trip to Idaho for Christmas to be taken in the late spring or summer next year. So they decided that they'd rather go when there was more time to do something and when Emerson was bigger and could play with them.
I love the drive to Rexburg. Curtis had not been there before and he really loved it too. We only wish it wasn't so far away and we could see them more often, (or that we lived in Idaho!). We had a nice dinner on Saturday night to celebrate Curtis's, Lindsey's dad's and my birthdays. On Sunday we went to Sacrament Meeting with Jordan and Lindsey to be part of this special event.
Emerson was one of three babies being blessed that day. Lots of babies in a student ward, but no other kids. Curtis has always disliked young married student wards. I always feel like we missed out a little in forming friendships with people in the same stage of life by not being in one when we first married. I have seen other people who made lifelong friends in those student wards. Hope Jordan and Lindsey are having a good experience in theirs.
It was much too quick trip for me. I wanted to spend more time with him. He is a sweet little! boy. It sure is fun to watch my son be a father and take such good care of his family. Life is good!

Great-Grandma and Emerson

Such a sweet little face.

4 generation photo op!
Great-grandma Barton. Grandma Welch, Jordan and Emerson Welch

So thankful we were able to be there for this special day! I love watching our family grow :)

About Charles

Charles has really blossomed this year. He loves school and loves to learn to read and write. This picture is of a whiteboard he was practicing his writing on. He decided he needed to write all the names of the people in his family and make a stick person to go with.

He is really growing too. He is no longer a chunky toddler, but a thin, tall boy instead. He also has a bit of a silly side to him. I have no idea why he was wearing his sisters' headband in this picture but it shows his silly side. If you look carefully you can see his little dimple on his cheek which shows up when he is trying really hard not to smile. We are thankful for this sensitive, silly guy. He is such an important part of our family.

Procrastination is not my friend...

'Procrastination is not your friend!' is one of Curtis's favorite sayings. We hear it a lot at our house.

Lately I've come to realize what my own procrastination has cost me.

At least twice in the last couple of months I have found myself missing out on serving someone or doing something I'd really wanted to do because I had put off doing something else and the time was gone. 

At the end of Aug I had a talk to give in church. I knew about it for 3 weeks but kept putting off putting anything down on paper. The last couple of days I knew I had to focus and write. An opportunity (can't for the life of me remember now exactly what. *Curtis helped me remember that we were given the opportunity to help clean the temple after the last Saturday session but I couldn't stay.*)came up on one of those days and I had to decline because I had left myself no time. 

This week I was invited to go to the temple with my sister while she was in town. I told her I'd love to go and that I better get my robe ironed. I'd washed it weeks ago and let it sit in a basket to be ironed. Well, come Saturday afternoon and I'm scrambling to get ready and realize my robe is still not ironed. I ran downstairs, turned on the iron and tried to put those pleats back into it. I got the iron too hot and nearly ruined my robe. I then realized I didn't have time to get it done before I'd need to leave and with a heavy heart I had to let my sister know I would not be able to be there.

In both of these instances, if I had not put off the task I would have been able to serve when the opportunity arose. I feel badly that because I didn't get to the temple maybe one person had to wait for her ordinance work to be done a little bit longer. 

I have fought procrastination all my life, along with its companion, perfectionism. I hate to think of all I've missed out on or caused others to miss out on because of it. I hope that I can do a better job in the future, remembering these lessons and that when those service opportunities arise, I can say, 'Sure, I'd love to help!' knowing I have the ability and availability to do so :)

Favorite picture of Emerson!

Oh my word! So cute!!

Not a lot of extra chub on this guy but he sure is a cute little man! I can't wait to see him in person!

You Look Like My Grandma!'

My dad's aunt passed away recently. I went with my mom to her funeral. In a small town there's always a good turnout at funerals, since everyone knows everyone. We waited in the long line to pay our respects to her children, hugging and visiting with relatives along the way. As I approached her daughter (who was my Beehive advisor eons ago) she looked at me and said, 'Oh, you're so beautiful!' I stammered 'thank you' to her and then she said, 'You look like my grandma!' and gave me a big hug. I smiled and with tears in my eyes, said, 'I do, don't I?'

I've long known that I got my broad cheekbones and apple-y cheeks from my dad's side of the family. My mom said it came through the Mackelprang/Jones/Barton line. But I've never had anyone else notice. Especially someone who actually knew my Great-Grandma Ella. She died when I was 3 months old, so I've only ever seen her in pictures. 

It meant so much to me to hear those words. Oh, how I love my ancestors! Family history and connections between generations are so important to me. I love that I have Grandma Mary's and Grandma Ella's cheekbones! I love that there is something that connects me to them. I can't wait to know them again! I feel blessed to be part of their family!

                                         

 Ella as a young woman. I can see that her nose is slightly upturned like mine, and she has blended cheeks with a softer jawline. Like I do.

Ella later in her life. I see the same cheeks and deep crevices between cheek and mouth area.

Below is Grandma Mary, Ella's mother.