Ever had a curve ball thrown at you? You're standing there in the batter's box, all settled into your stance and ready for that pitch. Then it's on its way and it looks like hundreds of pitches you've swung at before and you think,"Oh, easy hit." You begin to take a mighty swing and then you realize that it's moving away from your hit zone and you're not going to hit it. In fact, you're getting nothing but air with your swing, and starting to feel pretty foolish for swinging at all. Then it's past you and you're standing there looking for the ball you thought was a sure hit.
I'm not sure I've ever had a literal curve ball thrown at me, although I did play some softball in jr. high. I do feel like life has been sending a few figurative ones my way lately though.
Like the one last summer.
Just finished nursing child #8, really excited to be able to do more intense exercise and I was attempting to eat much differently than I had been doing. I was researching and reading about whole foods and really trying to eat natural, non-processed foods. I was even contemplating getting a goat for the raw milk. Then came the blahs. The upset tummy. The unending tiredness. I blamed it all on eating different foods. That must be it, right? Well, it took me almost a month to connect the dots and realize that perhaps it was more than the food I was eating. Enter a pregnancy test. With a big, fat, positive result.
Out the window went the exercise and good eating. In the window came naps and eating whatever tasted good and didn't give me heartburn.
Seems like every time I try to improve my health something comes along to stop me. Often it's been this particular curve ball. And it's not that I mind the result. I really love my kids. But I would also love some time to give some attention to my aging body and help it become healthier as I slide into middle age.
My latest curve ball has really thrown me for a loop. No way did I see it coming.
After 8 kids I figured I knew all there was to know about baking, birthing and feeding babies. I've nursed for well over 7 years of my life. No brainer. This baby #9 would be nursed, just like all the previous babies.
And he was nursed exclusively for 3 weeks. And he didn't gain any weight. He was just barely maintaining his weight. And he was starting to look bony and was very lethargic. But surely he was okay. He had wet and poopy diapers and he latched on fine.
The problem? He was not actively nursing or swallowing. Ever. He had been starving himself for 3 weeks and I didn't know it. What to do ? I borrowed a pump to see what was available for him and was shocked to see how diminished my supply was due to him not stimulating
production with his nursing. Enter formula and pumping. Maybe if he got stronger he would then nurse properly and I could stop pumping and supplementing.
Nope. He is the laziest eater I have ever had. Now at 8 wks since his birth, I have stopped pumping because the supply has run out. After 18 years of nursing I am now back to formula feeding my infant. I have gone through all the emotions, the guilt, the grief, the acceptance and excitement.
I so wanted to nurse him. I love nursing. I love being able to have that one-on-one time with my babies. I like an excuse to sit or lie down and read and have it be okay. I miss it very much.
However, I am thrilled that there are other options and I now have a 10 lb baby with chubby legs and double chin. I love that my other children get a chance to hold and feed him, bonding with their baby bro. I love that I have a bit more freedom, allowing me to keep up with the 2 year old and the 22 year old. I am excited to be able to get back to my exercising and eating better that was sidetracked a year ago.
Maybe this curve ball is to make up for the one thrown at me last year!
