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With all the events of the last few months and another heavy burden added yesterday, this song by Kenneth Cope just keeps running through my mind. I sometimes wonder how much more I can deal with, yet how could I say no to any of it? The experience, the growth, the refiner's fire?

More by Kenneth Cope

More steady, more sure

More trusted, more pure

Some say it doesn't matter

More trained and more aware

More aim to get me there

I climb this far

You raise the bar

You want my heart

CHORUS

More fierce desire

To stand against the wind

More blazing fire

When dark is closing in

More love-inspired change within

So there's more and more of me to give

More words to learn and know

More etched upon my soul

Some say it doesn't matter

More tried, more true

Less me, and much more You

I stretch this tall

You sound the call

You want my all.

CHORUS

You keep reaching out--You're calling out to me for

More strengthened shoulders

To face the war with sin

More wise and bolder

To save the souls of men

A more faithful soldier to the end

You want more and more of me to give

More and more of me to give

More love, more light,

More purpose, more serve with all my might,

I need more hope, more faith

More patience, each day I pray for more

More and more of me to give

More fire, more zeal

More spirit to know what's real

More courage, more joy

More, more and more of me to give

More grateful, more true

More humble to trust and do

You call, I hear

I'll walk the path that's set in stone

My heart is fixed on getting home

And what on earth could ever matter more?

More and more of me to give

More

I need to keep these words in my mind to remind myself that I'm trying to do more, to desire to do His will until mine matches His. What on earth could matter more?

Help!

I'm trying to choose a way to paint my kitchen cabinets so I can live with them for a few more years without wanting to scream everytime I see them. They have been white with red knobs for about 10 years and it's time for an update. We were hoping to replace them, but with the job sitch that's not going to happen for a while. (See the above picture for the current kitchen. The plywood in the floor will be covered with an island at some future point as well, as we can afford to purchase the cabinets.)

What I really want to do is paint the lower cabinets either espresso(really dark brown, almost black) or black and do the upper cabs in an oatmeal color with some glazing. I've also thought about adding some trim to the doors, since they are just flat.

I could just repaint them in white and get new hardware, but they get so dang dirty all the time. I am wanting to do something that hides fingerprints and crud a bit better.

What do you think???? Will it look goofy to have our old white appliances in a black/cream kitchen until we can get the stainless ones we are planning on?

**edited to add the stupid blogger won't let me add spaces or indent my paragraphs for easier reading. Stupid blogger!**

Things are CRRRAZZZZY around here!

Here's what's been happening----Allie (11) was staying in Bluff with Grandma because Grandpa was working in Monticello last week. But on Tuesday, she had gone on the truck with Grandpa for a run. My sis, Karla, called Mom to see how Allie was doing and she said that Mom didn't sound like herself and when she asked her how she was and what she could do for her, Mom said, "Shoot me." Which is not characteristic of my mom. AT ALL! So Karla dropped what she was doing and called Wendy who called the cancer center, and then she drove to Bluff to get Mom. She had to convince her to come to Monticello to the ER, but she was able to get her there. Mom was running a fever and her white blood count was below 500. She ended up staying in the hospital until Sat. morning. They never could get anything to culture out, so it must have been a virus that was making her sick. She had been pumped full of antibiotics, which doesn't help fight a virus, although it may have been helpful for any other 'bugs' that she was exposed to in the hospital. On Thursday the dr. told Mom how sick she had been and how serious it was. He told Mom and Dad that if she had been a couple of hours later in getting to the hospital, she might not have made it, that at that point there would have been nothing they could have done to help her. She thought that was so crazy because she hadn't felt that sick, just like she was getting a cold. But when your immune system is basically non-functional due to chemo, that's serious. There aren't any white blood cells to fight anything off. None of us realized until that point how important, life or death serious, it is for her to keep away from sick people. I feel so guilty for going down there at the beginning of May with kids who had been getting over colds. It was strange to look at my mom lying there in that hospital bed. My mom, who is always full of energy and going 90 miles an hour and leaving me in the dust. Lying there, with her hair gone and hooked up to heart monitors and IV's, she almost looked fragile. And I didn't like that! My mom has always been the strong, healthy one. It was surreal. Thankfully, her white count came back up exponentially every day that she was in the hospital and she's doing well now. She called me yesterday and she had her count done again to see if she should even come up this week for chemo and it is high enough that they can go ahead with her treatment. Which is good, so it doesn't throw off her scheduled appointments. This will be treatment #4. After this one, they will run a CT scan again to see if the cancer is shrinking. I'm so anxious to hear that they don't 'see' anything. Add to this the regular chaos of a house full of children who are BORED because there's nothing to do, Primary responsibilities including ^%&#*$& Cub Scouts, a husband who is now working two jobs so we never see him and you have some idea of why I don't update my blog very often. In fact, I'm ignoring a crying baby right now because I needed to email a missionary son and thought I'd do a quick post here as well. OK, back to my regularly scheduled life!